Oscar Madness

The thing about the Oscars is, I'm always entertained, even if the show sucks. I guess that's the difference between people who like awards shows and people who don't.

But no awards show really feels complete unless someone brings the crazy. I certainly didn't expect it to be Angelina Jolie. I thought she left all that behind with the vial of blood and incestuous kissing. But now, we've got Angie's Right Leg.

Angelina Jolie in Atelier Versace

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Would you LOOK at how far apart her feet are? Who stands like that?? On the Red Carpet?!! I have absolutely no explanation for this. But now that we've gotten that out of the way, I feel like I can move on and discuss true Oscar fashion.

Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen

Brava, JC! You have had more misses than hits on the red carpets this season, but this dress is Oscar-worthy and it looks fantastic on you.

Kristen Wiig in J. Mendel

Oh, Kristen. WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF COLOR?

Glenn Close in Zac Posen

Glenn Close always picks great colors, and I don't even hate the tuxedo jacket with this. What I do hate is all that crap on the back of the skirt. She would look a hundred times better without all that.

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji

I think this is the exact same thing I said about her at the Globes, and if it is, I apologize for repeating myself. But this lady either has an ace stylist or she just really knows how to dress her body. Because she just looks fantabulous every single time. She could use some lipstick.

Jennifer Lopez in Zuhair Murad

It was TOTALLY a nipple.

Stacy Keibler in Marchesa

All season, Stacy Keibler has dressed like a George Clooney accessory. Which is perfectly fine and acceptable because that's exactly the role she played. But she pulled out all the stops for the Oscars. Hello! I'm here! It's like the perfect Oscar dress. She even pulls off the rose-hip. It takes a very specific body to wear this dress and by that I mean "Stacy Keibler's body."

Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton

Everyone went nuts for this and a lot of people have already selected it for their Best Dressed but I just can't get on board. And I'm a person who LIKES peplum skirts. (I know that puts me in a minority.) I can only assume this looked a lot better in person that it photographs. I would probably like it better if the fabric were smooth and not...ruffled? Gathered? Pin-tucked? I have no idea. As always, the hair and makeup is adorable and impeccable.

Sandra Bullock in Marchesa

I wanted to like this. I did. But I can't. It was actually really pretty from the back, but the bodice is too...sloppy. And that looks like fingers on her stomach. Like someone is hugging her from behind. And Sandy? Your face is FINE. Leave it alone. Do not inject ANYTHING INTO IT AGAIN.

Shailene Woodley in Valentino

Temple dress. You Mormons know what I mean.

Viola Davis in Vera Wang

I don't love the bottom of this skirt, but I do love the color and the natural hair so much that I'm giving her a pass on the skirt. She scores a perfect 10 from the hips up.

Tina Fey in Carolina Herrera

I love that Tina went 100 percent sophisticated and classy. I hate that she went with a black or dark navy AGAIN. She's a comedienne. Why won't she show a little whimsy? I'm not buying her as dark and serious.

Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford

Before I actually saw Gwynnie last night, twitter became a-flutter with "A CAPE! SHE'S WEARING A CAPE!" and I thought that meant that GP brought the crazy. But I don't think this is crazy at all. It's daring. It's dramatic. But without being crazy. Which is pretty cool. LOVE the cuff bracelet. Not sure what's going on with the hair. I kind of see what she was going for, but it doesn't photograph well at all.

Penelope Cruz in Armani Prive

There is a faction who believes Penelope hits it out of the park every single time. I've not always been a fan. That pink feathered thing? I thought it looked like a bath mat. But I am IN LOVE with this dress on her. I don't think there is a better color for her. It is just gorgeous. She is my first-runner-up for Best Dressed. Hate the Mamie Eisenhower hair.

Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli

My pick for Best Dressed is Emma Stone. When Nicole Kidman wore that dress with a big neck bow a couple years ago, it somehow looked like it was holding her head on. Like it would spin around like that She-Devil movie if you untied it. But I'm not seeing that here. This totally works for me, right down to proving that redheads can wear red. (No one ever tells brunettes they can't wear brown.) Part of it has to be that her hair and makeup are so, so gorgeous:

So well-played, Miss Stone. Keep up the good work. You look fantastic in Lindsay Lohan's old career!