Red Carpet Hell

I started out watching last night's SAG award red carpet on mute, while sitting under the hair dryer. I can highly recommend this method. You give up the ability to learn who people are wearing, but the trade-off is that you don't have to listen to the obnoxiously inappropriate questions from the E! red carpet correspondents.

The celebrities have gotten to where they barely hide their disdain for Ryan Seacrest and his awkward interviews. Ryan was MIA from the SAG awards red carpet, so Guiliana Rancic stepped up to the plate with massively unsuitable questions of her own. By now, only those actors who are on a full-blown Oscar campaign bother talking to her.

1. What is your favorite/least favorite body part? (Everyone)
No one is going to answer this honestly, so what's the point? At the Globes, Heidi Klum said it was her HEART. Because yes, we all know, Heidi's internal organs are what's most attractive about her. Sofia Vergara chattered on so much with her response last night that eventually we were all saying, "I have no idea what she's talking about." Which was probably her strategy.

2. What were you doing when you got engaged? (30 Rock's Katrina Bowden)
Not only was this an inappropriate question, but it stands a very good chance of producing a highly inappropriate answer.

3. Do you want to have more children? (Viola Davis)
This an inappropriate question to ask anyone, anywhere, but absolutely NO ONE wants to answer this question on live television. Viola Davis is 46 years old for heaven's sake. Tacky. So, so tacky, Guiliana.

4. Where is your daughter when you come to these events? (Michelle Williams)
This comes across rather prejudiced against single moms in general, but given Michelle William's familial circumstances, she might as well have said, "Since her dad is DEAD..." Do you have NO social skills at all, Guiliana??

5. Did you borrow that dress, or did your husband buy it for you? (Nancy Walls, wife of Steve Carrell)
Umm, first of all, I'm pretty sure she can buy herself a nice dress if she wants to, Guiliana. Secondly, it's okay to talk about borrowing million-dollar jewelry; it's a little less seemly to ask if she paid for her DRESS.

*****
Here's the part that has me so perplexed by the utter lack of red carpet talent: I know people personally who would be great at this job. You can't tell me there aren't a metric tonne of people in Hollywood who could do it superbly. Why, WHY are the networks subjecting us to this excruciating torment? Do they not read twitter? Do they not see the pages and pages of complaints? Do they not care???