Year in Review

The annual Sundry End-Of-The-Year Questionnaire.*

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? Went to a blogging conference! (And hell yeah, I'm going again in '10!)

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't really make them. I suppose if I did, my resolution should be to try to get along better with people since it seems I'm always being called to task for that.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? I think I'm pretty much past that stage in my life.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Not close to me, although I did know some people who passed.

5. What countries did you visit? HA! Once again I say, HA! I did get to a new state this year though - Connecticut.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Paid vacation days.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? August 7 and 8, when I went back to my hometown for the 2nd Annual Long Beach Fest and Mass Class Reunion. I visited my old high school and saw tons of old friends. I wouldn't trade a second of it for all the Loubous in the world.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I'm kinda proud of those reunion posts.

9. What was your biggest failure? Renting that first Twilight movie was a big fat FAIL.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had that foot surgery, the recovery from which seemed to last for-fucking-EVER. One of these days I'll still have to have the other foot done.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My netbook.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My friend Suzanne, who not only organized the ENTIRE 2nd Annual Long Beach Fest AND the Mass Class Reunion all completely on her own, but when a classmate fell ill recently she was the one there, supporting the family, providing updates to everyone on facebook, and making Chris's last days as happy and comfortable as possible. We should all be so lucky as to have a Suzanne in our lives.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Women who had tons of kids for the sole purpose of getting themselves a television show. Talk about devaluing life.

14. Where did most of your money go? Car insurance for a male teenage driver.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Ma' SAINTS!! WHODAT, YA'LL!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? Single Ladies. Not for the song itself, or for the video, or for Kanye's jackass moment at the VMAs, not for all the versions of gay men doing the dance on youtube, not even for the hilarious JT skit on SNL. No, the best use of Single Ladies in 2009 was the Glee episode where Kurt auditioned for the football team. Classic.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Same
c) richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Feeling.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Thinking.

20. How did you spend Christmas? In my pajamas.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? YES. With GuS Dry Cranberry Lime Soda

22. What was your favorite TV program? Still House.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Hate is a pretty strong word. I would say that I have a whole new set of people who annoy me.

24. What was the best book you read? The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. I just adored it. It sounds like chick lit but it's really more like historical fiction. My friend Mary Esther recommended it to me and I totally owe her. Five stars!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Lady Gaga. I KNOW! I tried to not like her but every new song I hear I like a little more. I really fell at Paparazzi and now I love that Bad Romance song.

26. What did you want and get? A new camera! Finally!

27. What did you want and not get? A Mignon Faget Fleur de Lis ring

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Julie & Julia, hands down.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 43 and I don't believe I did anything special. I don't think. I can't really remember. I hope I didn't offend anyone by saying that.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Reconnecting with my brother earlier. The time I've spent with him these last few months have been some of the best times of my year.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Fashionista Casual

32. What kept you sane? Writing about fashion. It's kind of my own personal happy place that I go to.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Tim Gunn. I know no one really liked this latest version of Project Runway, but I am just so, so happy that it's now on a channel that I get.

34. What political issue stirred you the most? Healthcare

35. Who did you miss? My sister. Spending time with my family again on the holidays really made her absence apparent. It's like a big, oldest-child hole.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Debbie. Although technically I didn't meet her this year, I've known her since high school. But given my whole we-aren't-who-we-were-in-high-school epiphany, I'm going with DEB. She has been an inspiration, a confidante, a voice of reason, a mentor and above all, a really, really good friend to me this year.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. You gotta put down the duckie if you want to play the saxophone.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl
The girl who has everything?
Look at this trove
Treasures untold
How many wonders can one cavern hold?
(Sure) she's got everything

I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've go whozits and whatzits galore
(You want thingamabobs?
I got twenty!)
But who cares?
No big deal
I want more






* - Which Sundry is apparently not doing this year.

(2007, 2008)

"Art is how humanity reflects on itself."

I am on the emailing list for the Tennessee Shakespeare Company, and today I received the most wonderful end-of-the-year message from them. I wanted to share it with you in hopes that it inspires you as it did me:

There is a story about an ancient King, who, far from wise for his years, values life only in terms of words and materials. He declares that he can make nothing of "nothing." In so doing, he loses everything. Homeless, going mad, teetering on the tipping point of mortal death or a walk in the eternal wilderness, he discovers finally the need for love.

With his material life now a blank canvas, he becomes an artist and is forced to reflect on the seminal events in the microcosm that is his life. His awakening is universal, and his tragic epiphany speaks to us all.

Lear the artist is too late to save himself and his beloved daughter, but, Shakespeare would lead us to believe, he is in time to awaken us.

An artist's duty is to go before a white canvas and paint courage in images, in text, in dance, in notes — perhaps prompting an awakening that we might each sense on our own terms. Art is how humanity reflects on itself. Poetry slows our eyes down, theatre returns irrational senses and emotions to us, dance skips our hearts, and music is a tidal wave of collective possibility.

May your new year be filled with art, emotion and possibility.

Bloggy Christmas!!

via postsecret

Merry Christmas from Tim Gunn!

(Click to embiggen)

"Christmas is coming."

First things first: Powerpoint Karaoke. I MADE IT TO THE ELITE 8!!! Thank you so much for your votes! I need your support now more than ever. And here's my strategy: The girls seem to be progressing through the ranks at a better rate than the boys. So while you're there (here's the link) (or just click on the button), please also vote for the GUYS in the other brackets. That way, my chances will be better in future rounds. Thanks everyone! Don't forget, you can vote once a day. And if you have more than one computer, you can vote from each of them. xoxox

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Right, so Christmas is coming. The goose is getting fat.

I got the kids to put up and decorate the tree.

Elijah, with the saggy pants, and his cousins.

And they did a nice job, too. (Click on the photo to embiggen.)

We used the little candy canes that we'd gotten from the Christmas parade earlier in the day. The Christmas parade that we only watched half of because it was cold. And rainy.

My nephew & niece are totally going to be all, "Please don't make us go to Aunt Kalisa's again!! She makes us sit outside in the rain!"

I've made my traditional Christmas cookies - peanut butter with chocolate kisses and oatmeal scotchies. I even made peanut butter fudge last night and I've never even attempted making candy before.

I've watched Love, Actually three times and I've been listening to my mix tape CDs in the car.

I sound like I totally got my holiday shit together, don't I? Well I do. If you ignore the fact that I've only bought one gift. (Some clothes for my niece.) And there's no way in HELL I'm fighting the crowds now or any day between now and Christmas. And seeing as yesterday was the last day for online shopping with guaranteed shipping by Christmas Eve (unless you want to mortgage your house to pay for it). So I guess my work here is done. If you're not my niece, you're probably not getting anything from me for Christmas. Don't take it personally.

"Our brains are wired to protect them"

I MADE IT TO THE SWEET 16 YA'LL!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR VOTES! PLEASE KEEP VOTING! THIS ROUND ENDS MONDAY, DEC. 21. CLICK ON THE BUTTON TO THE RIGHT TO VOTE. THANK YA. THANK YA VERY MUCH.

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Another teenager was killed in a car wreck in Memphis this morning. They were on their way to school, the streets were wet, they may have been speeding. The passenger was killed on impact. The driver was a basketball teammate of my son's. He is in critical condition in ICU.

The three of us went to the trauma center this afternoon to see the family. And it's heartbreaking. Everything is "wait and see" right now. The parents must feel so helpless.

As mothers, we begin protecting our children's delicate bodies from the moment we learn they exist. We stop drinking alcohol and coffee and even sodas. Once they're born, we put them in car seats and wrap them in soft blankets and we'd fight off a grizzly bear if we thought it wanted to hurt our babies. We put them to sleep in cribs with bumpers and on their backs and we make sure there are no blind cords near it. We baby proof the house with outlet covers and baby gates and never buy toys with parts small enough to fit through a toilet paper roll lest they pose a choking hazard.

We take them to the park and never ever once let them out of our sight. We apply sunscreen at the beach and make them wear hats when it's cold. We send them off to school with a healthy lunch and we walk them to their classroom to make sure they arrive safely. We tell them not to talk to strangers or eat the paste. We buy them Christmas gifts that are age appropriate and we check their Halloween candy before we let them eat it.

When they go off without us we remind them to wear seat belts in their friend's cars and we ask the parents if they keep guns in the house. We buy them cell phones so they can call us any time, from anywhere. We promise to be there if they need us.

We talk to them until we're blue in the face about safe driving. We tell them stories of a friend who died in a car crash in high school. We try to scare them straight. No texting while driving. No speeding. Only one passenger. Where are you going? When will you be home?

Our brains are wired to protect them at all costs.

I can't even imagine what it does to your soul to see your child lying in a hospital bed, his body broken. That sweet little body that you've fought to care for. We would heal it with our own hands if God would let us. You cling to people who love you and you take it minute by minute. You pray. You ask others for prayers. You don't lose faith because you have to believe.

"Feels Like Christmas"

Once the weather turns cold and Christmas lights are filling the night, all that's left to get me in the Christmas spirit is some good holiday music. (And maybe some hot chocolate.) The thing is, a lot of Christmas music is (dare I say?)...tired. We've been hearing the same versions of the same songs every year for decades now and frankly listening to them one more time isn't going to fill me with any kind of Christmas joy. But I don't want to hear some new song that, for instance, Barry Manilow wrote for his new CD. That just doesn't have the nostalgia of the old songs.

So I like to find new versions of the old songs. Something just a little bit different from what we're used to. Here's the list I painstakingly came up with last year. I think you'll find a little something for everyone.

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen/ We Three Kings (Barenaked Ladies & Sarah McLachlin)
My friend Penelope gave me this on a Christmas mix tape one year. I think it is my favorite Christmas song now.
Santa Baby (Eartha Kitt)
The way the song was meant to be — flirty without being slutty. (Take note, Madonna.)
Winter Wonderland (Eurythmics)
Plays to my 80s past
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) U2
Carol of the Bells (Manheim Steamroller)
Let it Snow (Michael Bluble)
The Christmas Song (Vince Guaraldi Trio)
How can people not like Charlie Brown Christmas music?
Sleigh Ride (Ella Fitzgerald)
Christmas Canon (Trans-Siberian Orchestra)

How corny am I that I tear up a bit every time I hear this song? But come on! Pachabel's Cannon is one of the most beautiful songs ever written and now you're gonna add children singing to it??? *sniff*

Angels We Have Heard on High (Reliant K)
The most rockin' Christmas song ever. If I were producing a holiday television commercial with people frolicking in the snow & throwing snowballs at each other, this would be the soundtrack to it.
The First Noel (Josh Groban & Faith Hill)
Okay, I know on paper this looks like a contrived duet from some cheesy television special. And maybe it crosses that line just a tad what with the climactic orchestration and back-up choir. But look, if Josh Groban had been in my high school choir, I totally would have spent my teen years pining for him. I wouldn't have thought to pair him with Faith Hill but the end result is awfully pretty.
This Christmas (Chris Brown)
I put this on the list before he beat up his girlfriend, back when he was just a soulful young singer. I understand if you object on moral grounds.
Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies (Harry Connick Jr)
So much talent in one simple man.
Feels Like Christmas (Al Green)
Get yer groove on with the Right Reverend. It's Christmas ya'll!
All That I Want (The Weepies)
This is that alt-Christmas song from that iPod or phone commercial or whatever it was last year. (You'll recognize it.) See? There is something decent on TV now and then.
Gabriel’s Message (Sting)
What Child is This (Alison Krauss)
An instrumental.
Frosty the Snowman (Cocteau Twins)
Carol of the Bells (The Bird and The Bee)
Little Drummer Boy (The Dandy Warhols)
Their version is so fresh, I'm convinced that if the song had been written in this millennium, it would've been written just. Like. This.
I’ll Be Home for Christmas (Jordin Sparks)
Sweet and pretty without crossing into Mariah Carey territory — a land I'd rather not have to venture into ever again, thanks.
Mr. Heatmiser (Big Bad Voodoo Daddy)
This song will just make you smile, even if you don't remember it from the stop-motion animated television special from childhood. I so wanted this band to be from NOLA. (They're not.)
Last Christmas (Jimmy Eat World)
Admit it - you love this song. You loved it when George Michael sang it and you love it now. There's no shame in that — what's not to love about a song that you can sing about giving MAH HEART TO SOME1 SPECHUL in LOLspeak? I like this version because they didn't lose the pop-tunes feel which, let's face it, is why we all liked it in the first place.
O Holy Night (DeNetria Champ)
This version may not be your thing, but I personally love me a black woman with a big voice. This song fills me with the spirit. Makes me want to get ma praise on.
Happy Xmas (War is Over) John Lennon
If you don't include this song on your Christmas mix tape, the terrorists win.
Father Christmas (The Kinks)
A feel-good song about a department store Santa being roughed up by a group of hoodlum kids.
Let it Snow (The Brian Setzer Orchestra)
Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (Mary J. Blige & Sheryl Crow)
In my opinion, Sheryl is superfluous to this song but Mary Jay kinda rocks it.
It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas (Harry Connick Jr)
I wish I didn't love just everything about Harry, but I do. Listening to him sing this song makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. In a good way. And kinda in a bad way too but that's just for me & Harry.
Angels We Have Heard on High (Josh Groban & Brian McKnight)
I've never listened to Brian McKnight but he has a beautiful tenor voice. Pair that with the glorious baritone of Josh Groban and you've got something special.
Handel’s Messiah (Reliant K)
Boogie Woogie Santa Claus (The Brian Setzer Orchestra)
Merry Christmas Baby (Aaron Neville)
That other great NOLA voice. This song just sounds like something you'd hear wafting from an open bar door in the Quarter. Makes me homesick.
Santa Claus is Back in Town (My Morning Jacket)
And this one sounds like something you'd hear from an open doorway on Beale Street.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year (Martha Wainwright)
Every time I listen to this song it gets stuck in my brain. I just love her voice.
Holly Jolly Christmas (The Format)
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (Local H)
I Believe in Father Christmas (Emerson Lake & Palmer)
Santa Baby (Everclear)
Silver Bells (Reliant K)
‘Zat You Santa Claus (Louis Armstrong)
It'll make you smile, I promise. Christmas joy times two.

"The most ridiculous thing I ever had to write."

Update on PowerPoint Karaoke (PPTK) contest: First-round voting goes through the end of December. You can vote once a day EVERY DAY, and you don't need to register to vote. Please vote for me today! It only takes a second. TIA. If I win first place, I'll buy everyone who voted for me a $5 Starbucks card.

*******

I want to tell ya'll about the most ridiculous thing I ever had to write. I was reminded of this today when I heard on the radio that Memphis was named this week to the Forbes "Best Bang-For-The-Buck" Cities List.

I was working as a writer in a corporate office when I got a call from my manager. She had an assignment for me. Forbes had just released their Largest Private Companies list and the CEO wanted me to write a story about it.

For those of you who don't know (I didn't), the criteria to be named to this list is 1) you have to be a privately owned company, and 2) you had to have revenues of at least $2 billion. Well, my firm was privately owned, but we didn't have any where NEAR $2 billion in revenue. I mean come on. So I'm all, What does he want the story to be about? And she explains to me that if you go to Forbes.com, you can sort the list in various ways - by rank, alphabetically by company name, by state, by revenue, by employees.

Nod. Okay. So?

So, if you sort it by employees, our firm would be #24 on the list.

*blink*blink*

No...it wouldn't. We aren't on the list no matter how you sort it. We don't make $2 billion.

I know, but this is the story he wants.

WHAT STORY?? That we have the same number of employees as some companies who make two billion dollars??

She sighs. She understands. But the assignment has been made. I have to write the story.

You see the faulty logic in this, right? But what are you gonna do, stand your ground? Of course not, you're going to say, "Ahh, what do I care?" and write the damn story.

So I did. It went okay...until he told me I had to call Forbes AND GET A QUOTE FROM THEM. Seriously. This job was pure insanity, ya'll.

So I call Forbes, and someone (who probably had a crazy boss, too) was kind enough to give me a "Yes, if you had made $2 billion last year you would have been #24 on the list based on number of employees" quote. It was a bullshit quote, but it was a bullshit story.

FYI, the CEO hated the quote. He made me write one that said what he wanted. And I did. Sue me.

To top it all off, I had to write a headline that said, "Our Company is #24 on Forbes list of Largest Private Companies!" Faulty logic is putting it nicely. It was a flat-out lie.

And now my conscience is clear.

"I am SERIOUSLY going to pimp myself out for this one!!"

Well...this is certainly...surprising.

Remember when I did that PowerPoint Karaoke? Well, the guy who organized it (Bob) asked us all to submit our videos to the national competition so that Memphis would have a good showing so I did. I figured I wouldn't hear any more about it since I didn't even PLACE in the local contest that evening.

But I guess it turns out other people like me — THEY REALLY LIKE ME! — because I have made it to the top 32!! Who knew?? It's such an honor just to be nominated!!

Ahhh, who am I kidding??? There's MONEY involved with this thing and I really, really want to win!! So please? Would you go vote for me? That would be so awesome!! You can vote once per bracket so help me win this first round & I'll let you know when the Sweet 16 begins! I am seriously going to pimp myself out for this one!!

BIG Thanks in Advance!!! xoxox

"The lengths I go to"

Christmas at my house. It's had its ups and downs.

When I was drinking, I couldn't be bothered to do things like put up a tree or bake cookies or buy gifts. The first Christmas after I'd quit drinking (I was 11 months sober by then), I tried to make it up to my family by going all out - I put up & decorated the tree myself. I baked, I shopped, I gifted. It was exhausting.

When you only have one child and he has taken it upon himself to become a teenager, Christmas morning loses a lot of its magic. For one thing, the magic doesn't happen until like 11:30 in the morning. For another, there's nothing they need - or really want even - so there's a real dearth of presents under the tree.

I'm not a scrooge. I like the decorated and lit-up tree. I like lighting candles that make my house smell all Christmas-y. We used to always get a live tree, which was really important to me because my family always had an artificial one growing up. But then my Jewish husband decided that it made no sense whatsoever to spend money year after year on a live tree that would then be thrown out. He insisted we buy an artificial one.

And it's a good tree. But OMG the fluffing of it! It's torturous. It takes forever and I absolutely hate it. So I just haven't been able to make myself get it out yet. I've got the candles burning. I made cookies yesterday. But I'm still debating the Christmas tree.

So here's my brilliant solution: I will bribe E's friends with pizza and sodas and homemade cookies to come over and put up my tree. It'll be like a Christmas party! Hell, I'll even buy each of them a little gift. It'll be festive! And fun! And I'll get my tree up! And this, my friends, is the lengths I go to since I didn't have the foresight to birth enough children to do these things for me.

We have a winner!

The WINNER of the $25 gift certificate to Oh! Nuts (drawn at random from all entries) is G6! Congratulations! Now you can get that great Chanukah Silver Charger!

Thanks everyone for playing. G6, please email me at kalisah@gmail.com so I can hook you up with your prize.

"Fashion does care what you wear to the mall."

I am very excited to announce to you that I'm now writing a regular fashion blog for the award-winning Duluth Superior Magazine.

I know you might think this is a weird partnership, given that I don't live in Duluth, Minnesota I've never even BEEN to Duluth, Minnesota. But a very good friend of mine, who reads here, and who has made it her life's mission to actively promote my writing, and who even started the Heels-wearing facebook fan page, DID used to live there. So that's how that happened.

Anyway, I can't really explain a direct connection between me and Duluth, but what I do know is this: Fashion doesn't care what region of the country you live in. Fashion does care what you wear to the mall.

"What it's like to be in my brain this week."

Just 2 days left to enter to win great holiday treats! I can't believe ya'll are making me pimp myself out like this. Seriously, just go enter already.

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It's been kind of a disjointed week following up the long holiday weekend. I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around any one particular subject. Today, you get bullets, so you can feel what it's like to be in my brain this week.

• I really feel the need to watch "Love, Actually" every week from now til Christmas. I haven't seen this week's viewing yet. I probably need to buy the DVD.
  
• I looked for it on Netflix instant view but the only holiday movie they had was "The Christmasy Dinosaur" which kind of makes me wonder why we even pay for that service.
  
• I bought the December Lucky magazine with Carrie Underwood on the cover and didn't find one thing in there worth marking. That hurt.
  
• Oh, GuS Cranberry Lime Soda, where have you been all my life?
• I cooked leftover-smoked-turkey risotto and surprisingly, it came out really good.
  
• Even more surprising, Elijah liked it. He ate two huge servings.
  
• I may have mentioned that I have a new writing gig? I'm really excited about it & want to tell ya'll about it but I'm waiting for it to go live.
  
• The waiting is the hardest part.
  
• I'm sick of these Gap holiday TV ads already.
  
• But I do really like the one with the little girls.
  
• How cute are these boots? How cute are these boots?
  
• I've been making a concerted effort to eat less baked goods. Once I finished off the homemade pumpkin pie.
  
• I've been eating oatmeal for breakfast again. Which is good.
  
• But I feel a major holiday-cookie-cooking spree coming on. Oatmeal scotchies and peanut butter cookies with Hershey kisses. My traditional specialties.
• You know those Best Buy commercials where they sing gift suggestions? I twittered that I couldn't understand a word they sang and now the ads have the words on the screen like closed captioning.
  
• It's probably not from my tweet.