"It's my Eden."

I never really had cravings when I was pregnant. I ate a lot of fruit and ice cream (Elijah was born at the end of August. In Memphis.) but I don't remember having those driving urges for a specific taste that some women get when they're expecting. Not like I ache for the beach.

I honestly can't remember ever wanting anything as badly as I long for the beach. I was 30 years old when I graduated college, and I desperately wanted that piece of paper, but not like I crave the beach. Elijah was born exactly one week after his due date and I was ready to yank him out with forceps myself by then, but the urge was nowhere near as strong as my drive for the shore.

Chip & I have vacationed in Destin every single summer since we were married - even in the lean years. Once Elijah was about 3 he began to go with us. As regular as the turn of the seasons, every year we go to Destin. It's my Eden. My happy place. When I die, put my ashes in a Coppertone bottle and bury me on the beach in Desitn.

I love everything about the beach. The sand. The surf. The salt. The sea air. I love basking in the sun. I love relaxing in the shade of an umbrella with the breeze blowing my hair. I love the hot, crispy feeling you get from spending the entire day at the beach. I love bobbing in the waves, and floating on a raft. I love walking along the shoreline and listening to the children laugh, the gulls call, the tinny music playing from battery-operated radios. I love drinking frozen, fruity drinks and eating crispy, fried seafood. I love to place my low beach chair right at the edge of the waves so the water splashes up on me. I love the smell of sunscreen in the morning.

This year, we decided to forgo our beach vacation in lieu of buying Elijah a car. Also, we've spent a lot of our hotel points traveling to basketball tournaments. Of course, we came to this decision back when I was working for the tyrants who didn't give vacation days until you'd completed two years of service. So I didn't expect to actually have any time off this summer. Not that I technically have vacation time at my new job, but what I do have is kind, understanding, family-centered employers who would probably work with me on time off. But nonetheless. We are not going to Destin this year, and it's killing me. Can you tell?

I just don't know what to do with myself.

Rite of Passage

I don't even know what to say about this.

Should I say that I always said I would never buy my kid a car?

Should I say that he won't even be 16 until the end of the summer?

Should I say that the dealerships are practically giving these things away?


Nah, I think his smile says it all.

"(It's kinda awesome.)"

Do you have any idea what it's like to walk into your friendly neighborhood supermarket - the one you've been shopping at for 7+ years now - and see a giant poster of your BOSSES, under the headline "HOMETOWN FAVORITES!"?? And then to cruise the aisles, picking up your groceries, and to overhear everyone talking about them ("You see who's gonna be here?" "I love their show! Watch it every Saturday!")??? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE???

(It's kinda awesome.)

And since part of my job description is monitoring twitter for "Food Network" references, allow me to share with you this fabulous little jewel I found:

Paula Deen's Easy Blueberry Skillet Coffee Cake
Ingredients:
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons light brown sugar
one 12-ounce tube buttermilk biscuits
1 cup blueberries, fresh or thawed frozen

Streussel toping:
1/4 cup slivered almonds
1/4 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons butter
2 1/2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 375F. Combine streussel ingredients in a food processor and pulse until large crumbs form.
2. In a 9-inch cast iron or other oven-proof skillet, cook the butter & brown sugar over medium heat until melted. Arrange the biscuits in a single layer in the pan; scatter the blueberries over the biscuits and the streussel topping over the berries.
3. Bake until the center biscuits are golden and a tester inserted into the center of a biscuit comes out clean, about 30 minutes.
4. Allow to cool slightly and serve from skillet.

Enjoy!





Hey, Memphis: The Neelys will be doing two book signings in Memphis this weekend. Ya'll come out and represent!

Friday, May 22
7 p.m.
Barnes & Noble Wolfchase

Sunday, May 24
2 p.m.
Kroger Trinity

Setting: Nashville, AAU Basketball Tournament

Things that have impressed the boys in Nashville, so far:

1. The lack of graffiti on the underpasses
2. The "Batman building"
3. That there are people at the hotel to carry your bags for you
4. Video games in the hotel rooms
5. The "computer lab" (aka Business Center)
   

Things that have not impressed them. At all:

1. How high the Tennessee River was

Things that have not impressed me:

1. How fucking far you have to drive to find a Starbucks in this town. (6.7 miles.) (Also? That the GPS in the truck doesn't have a "Now-return-me-to-where-I-started" button.)
   

"Professional analysis: No chance of him falling out dead on the court."

We went to the cardiologist yesterday for Elijah to have an echocardiogram. The doctor said that Elijah's heart is structurally sound — no thickening, no enlargement, all the valves are in working order. Definitely no cardiomyopothy. Professional analysis: No chance of him falling out dead on the court. Cleared to play ball this weekend.

*gigantic exhale*

I can't thank ya'll enough for all of your good thoughts and internet hugs and prayers. The outpouring of love and support was overwhelming. I held it together so well until I started reading all the comments here and on my facebook page and only then did I tear up & cry. You just can't buy that kind of love. At least not since Craigslist shut down their erotic services section.

The doctor recommended that, since Elijah did have an irregular EKG, we bring him in for a complete work-up by a cardiologist. Stress test, labs, another EKG. He said that you can get an abnormal EKG result if you don't have the tabs put on just right, so a thorough examination by a cardiologist will find out if there is in fact something off or if everything is a-okay. So we'll definitely follow up with that.

So now I can go back to being excited about tomorrow being my last day at my old job, and starting my new job on Monday, and feeling like the luckiest girl in the whole wide world.

"It started with chest pains today in school."

You know those stories you see on TV about the young athlete who unexpectedly drops dead in the middle of the basketball court because of an undiagnosed heart condition?

They think my son might have that condition.

It started with chest pains today in school. It hurt right in the center of his chest when he took a deep breathe. So after school Chip took him to the minor medical place. They did a chest xray and an EKG. When the EKG printed out the report it printed with an alert at the top of the page saying that there were abnormalities in it. So they told Chip to take Elijah to the emergency room.

Five-and-a-half hours later (+another EKG, another chest xray, an IV, and heart, pulse, respiratory & blood pressure monitors), the doc says the chest pains are muscular - probably pulled something in basketball.

But the irregularities in the EKG "indicate" Hypertrophic Cardiomyopothy (HCM). That would be the heart condition that caused basketball players like Hank Gathers, Reggie Lewis and Jason Collier to die.

So.

*deep breathe*

The doc said absolutely no sports until we see a pediatric cardiologist, who will do a diagnostic echocardiogram. We don't know anything yet. Only that the EKG indicated the possibility of this condition.

I would really appreciate your prayers for my son.

"My side yard is a mud pit."

Can it PLEASE stop raining now?


The ground is so saturated that huge trees are being uprooted. Someone twittered today "memphis is the new seattle." My side yard is a mud pit.

"The greatest mom ever."

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms this morning!


Elijah wrote on his card "You're the greatest mom ever." That is all I have to say about that.

"Why I am leaving my current job"

I did not create this graph, but it explains perfectly why I am leaving my current job. Only maybe with a little less pink-green overlap.

"He even has his 'Jenny.'"

I finally watched Slumdog Millionaire tonight. I had read about this movie long before all the Oscar talk started. I heard that it would break your heart. And make your spirit soar. All at the same time.

So it's a little surprising that it's taken me this long to finally see it. Only not really.

Because it affected me just the way that I thought it would. It depressed the hell out of me. I should have just watched the big dance number at the end. It's the only part I enjoyed. Jai Ho, indeed.

This movie is like Forrest Gump, if everywhere that Forrest went people tortured and abused and starved him. He even has his "Jenny."

It was like some kind of twisted nightmarish fairy tale. And they all lived happily ever after.

I have a very important announcement

I just gave notice at my job.


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I can't tell you how much joy and relief and satisfaction it gave me. Because my job has caused me much stress. I can't even tell you how much stress. You'll have to wait for the book. Heh.

Wait 'til I tell you what the new gig is! I'm going to work for the Neely's!! Pretty great, huh? My friend Gina Neely called me out of the blue to have lunch with her and told me how much trouble they've had hiring an assistant - someone to coordinate all their appearances, their travel, their filming schedules. Someone who is detail-oriented, a problem-solver, someone who understands the business. I'm perfect for the job.

Funny thing is, twice in my professional career I have been saved from an unhappy job by a phone call from someone offering me a new position. Isn't that weird? Course, the other jobs I was fired from. So we'll call it even.

"That movie was so lame."

This afternoon I went to go see the new Tim Riggins Wolverine movie with Big Daddy. That move was so lame. Allow me to list the ways:

1. Before the movie even started we had to sit through the most stupid and boring commercials in the history of advertising. Including some car commercial where the car drove around on a huge canvas with different color paint on its tires "creating art" that went on forever & ever and was boring as hell. AND THEN THEY RAN IT AGAIN.
2. OMG it was so, so loud. Even the previews. It totally hurt my ears. AND THERE WERE PEOPLE IN THERE WITH BABIES! BABIES!! Who does that?
3. 30 minutes into the film, when they carried Wolverine to some lab under a lake or something (IDK. I know absolutely nothing about X Men.), Chip says to me, "Ohhh...this is a prequel." And I'm all, "IT'S CALLED *ORIGINS*." Doesn't anyone pay any attention to words anymore?
4. The writing wasn't just lame. It wasn't just weak. It was BAD. Wolverine said things like: "I'm coming for blood. Point me in the direction and get out of my way." *yawn*
   
5. The name of the indestructable metal that they replace Wolverine's skeleton with is called "adamantium." And every time they said it I thought they were talking about that singer from the 80s. Don't drink, don't smoke...what do ya do?
   
6. It's a little annoying to me that EVERY superhero becomes a superhero because someone evil killed his family. I mean seriously, can they not come up with anything else?
   
7. *Sigh* Another fight between Wolverine and Sabertooth? How many of these do I need to sit through in two hours?
   
8. Maybe worst of all, Tim Riggins didn't show up until the last half-hour of the movie. If I had known that, I might have showed up a bit later. Skipped all those obnoxious ads and stuff.
   
9. Also? Tim Riggins showed up twice in the movie (I don't think that's a spoiler.) The first time, he had this really bad Steel Magnolias-type southern accent (he was supposed to be from New Orleans). The second time, he was back to his Friday Night Lights-Texas accent. But so what. HE IS HOT.
   
10. After the movie, when I went in the bathroom to pee, there was a lady in there brushing her teeth. ????? Who does that? Maybe the same people who bring babies to action flicks.
    

My recommendation: Rent it. Then you can fast-forward to the Tim Riggins part.

"I'm pretty much just rambling now."

You can always figure that when I'm not posting here it's because a lot of shit is going down at work. It tends to overwhelm my life and suck the soul out of me and eat my creativity for dinner, and that leaves me with little else to work with when I come here.

The foot is getting better all the time. I got my stitches out, but I'm still in the boot for another week or so. The other night I went out to get something to eat with Big Daddy and I thought I'd go without the boot and wear my running shoes. Only I had no idea where my left shoe was.

The $35 espresso machine I bought at the grocery store has really paid off. I've cut back on my trips to Starbucks and am saving some money that way. Not all that good for the economy, I guess, but I'm trying to find a balance between personal responsibility and patriotic duty.

I've been enjoying the hell out of the Bulls-Celtics NBA playoff series. It has been AMAZING. It's so awesome to see Memphis Tiger Derrick Rose doing so great in his rookie year. I'm thinking of becoming a full-time Chicago Bulls fan. How much do you think that pays?

All that laundry I did last week? Yeah, most of it's dirty again I'm afraid.

You know on What Not to Wear, if the makeover person buys a bunch of stuff that's against the rules on the first shopping day when Stacey & Clinton aren't there, do the producers return it? And put that money back on their $5,000 Bank of America card?

I absolutely love Stacy London. HUUUUGE girl crush. Plus I think giving women makeovers would be a kick-ass dream job for me.

Last week, I started to concentrate on eating a little more healthy. But right now I'm having a peanut butter and marshmallow cream sandwich and a glass of milk. The bread is 100% whole wheat and the milk is 1% fat though.

I have an appointment for a hair cut next Thursday evening. I think if I cut my layers a bit shorter I could wear my hair curly even now and not have to wait for it to grow longer. Okay, the layers will need to be quite a bit shorter. I'm going to tell Grant I want the overall style to be rounder because right now it is pyramid-shaped. As it grows out I want the back to be V-shaped.

I'm pretty much just rambling now and have no idea what the point of any of this is anymore.

Even though I will never have any more kids, I still have favorite names picked out. Is that a girl thing? To always be picking out favorite names? My names are Harper for a girl and Jude for a boy. Don't steal them.

Harper comes from the author of To Kill a Mockingbird, which is so perfectly written that it is one of three books in this world that I enjoy regularly re-reading. In fact, I think Harper Lee is a such a great name, I would probably give her that middle name even. Harper Lee Hyman.

Jude because it's hip and cool and kinda British what with the only Jude's I know being Hey, Jude and Jude Law. And St. Jude hospital which saves children's lives so that's pretty much a trifecta of good karma. Except maybe for Jude Law who I think cheated on his wife. But he's very cute. So there's good-looks karma.

Don't steal my names. Even though I won't be using them in this lifetime.

I'm watching this wedding dress show on TLC and frankly I'm a little surprised that you can make an entire television show about picking out a wedding dress. Okay, I'm not really because it is cable. The bride-to-be is having a "fairy-themed Wiccan wedding." She will be wearing fairy wings with her bridal gown. I would think the sales consultant people would enjoy having something unique but instead they're being kind of judgmental of her.

Remember when Calliope and Gene got married on Days of Our Lives back in the 80s and they had the winter wonderland wedding? Calliope's dress had tiny little white lights on it. I always thought that was the coolest idea. I still do.

If I ever had a big formal wedding, I would totally do that. Then I'd have a gigantic crawfish boil for the reception.

All these bridal gown sales consultants look like drag queens.