Calipari Watch: The Ultimate Cat Fight: Day 2: Send More Xanax

You know what I need? I need a BREAK FROM BASKETBALL.

I think that could make everything better. Also xanax.

So yes. Yes, YES, YES, Kentucky is trying to poach our coach. I know I said he wasn't going anywhere. I know I said he'd never leave us. I KNOW. Yesterday morning, I started out refusing to listen to the rumermongers. Also refusing to do business with moneychangers. Wait, what? I don't know.

By yesterday afternoon I had fallen prey to the INSANITY. I was following a live Twitter feed of all things Calipari and obsessively hitting the refresh button on ESPN, CBS Sports, the local NBC affiliate and the local daily paper web sites. Oh God, has he decided? Is he leaving? They offered him $6.6 million a year?? He met with his players?? His daughter started a facebook group? DeMarcus Cousins said Cal's not going? U of M is going to let Xavier Henry out of his letter of intent???

They don't call it March Madness for nothing.

And fucking Jarvis Greer motherfucking sports director at WMC, a television station I may never tune into again, reports that he has a CONFIDENTIAL SOURCE that says CALIPARI TOOK THE JOB!!!

Which OF COURSE got picked up by every single media outlet in the southeast. "WMC-TV is reporting that John Calipari is the new coach of the Kentucky Wildcats." Spread like motherfucking wildfire on a motherfucking plane, I tell ya. Apparently that's all you need to "break" a story. Because the NBC affiliate is now the damn National Enquirer I guess. Reporting breaking news based on a close confidential source.

The Fox station had it on good authority that Cal was meeting with Memphis boosters (read: Fred Smith was trying to match the UK deal) on campus. So they posted a live video feed on their web site of the door that they thought he would walk out of. For reals, ya'll.

Meanwhile, Janice Broach of Channel 5 got into her car and drove to Lexington. She broadcast the 6 p.m. report from the driver's seat. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Memphis twitterers and facebookers were blowing up the social media outlets with rumor, innuendo, whines, complaints and threats. And there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

This morning, the news hit early with CAL WATCH, 2009: DAY TWO. Even tornados don't get this kind of coverage, yo. The public radio station tried in vain to carry on their pledge drive, but everyone wanted to call in to the sports talk stations instead.

Commerical Appeal sports columnist Geoff Calkins reported that Cal would make a decision THIS AFTERNOON. Which was kind of the CA's way of saying, "Everybody just calm the fuck down. There has been no decision yet." Heh, fat lotta good that did.

Some time after lunch, crowds started forming outside Cal's house. The police were called. They had to rope off the street. The ever-vigilant NBC affiliate raced over in Chopper 5. AS THOUGH HIS DECISION WAS GOING TO BE PAINTED ON THE ROOF OF HIS HOUSE. I'm pretty sure there's a live video feed of a camera pointed in his window. All of which will probably send him running screaming from the state.

To be continued...

"If you want to be on-trend for Spring, you can't go wrong with these."

There is something about Springtime that just makes a girl want to put on a dress.

Amirite??

Dresses are one fashion choice that you can nearly always count on being trendy this time of year. Stores ranging from Old Navy to The Gap to Banana Republic all have tons of styles to choose from. The thing to remember about Spring, is that a cute little number like this twist-front dress:


isn't necessarily going to be climate-appropriate until closer to June. Not to mention the fact that our skin isn't exactly show-worthy yet (unless you're going to a tanning bed which I personally implore you NOT to do). My suggestion for turning a summer dress like this into a transitional spring outfit is to pair it with a scarf and boots. I know — that sounds a bit like putting snow tires on a golf cart, but I mean like this:

Now that says SPRING. Especially if your Spring is as wet as the one we have in Memphis, because the boots will keep your feet dry. Try pairing a pretty patterned scarf with a solid-color dress, or vice versa. I like the funky look of Western-style boots like these Frye boots. Just please, God, not an Ugg boot or anything resembling them. Don't make me unfriend you.

One of the easiest ways to create a Spring-appropriate outfit is by layering, and one of the best classic pieces you can purchase for layering is a cardigan sweater. One my absolutely fave looks for chic weekend casual is khaki pants with a white shirt and colored cardigan:

which curvy girls like me can button two middle buttons to accentuate the waist. Don't forget that your shoes will make or break an outfit, so unless you're working out, please leave the running shoes in your closet. There are so many other great flat options for weekend! With the khaki/sweater combo I love a pair like these Pumas:


So maybe you're thinking to yourself, "Kalisa, I'm still not seeing anything NEW here for Spring." To which I would reply, "Gladiators."

I, myself, am not a fan. Probably because we wore them already. IN THE EIGHTIES. But if you want to be on-trend for Spring, you can't go wrong with these:


(Bonus points for the metallics.) Which would look terribly cute with this dress:



Or...with city shorts, which can practically do no wrong in my book. You know why? Because they look so cute and casual with sandals, like this:


Or you can trend them up with the above-mentioned gladiators. Or, glam them up with a pair of peep-toe pumps, and they go anywhere a skirt can go:

So, to recap, we've got:
1. Summer dress made seasonal with scarf and boots
2. Khakis layered with cardigan and not-running tennis shoes
3. Gladiators, in any heel height
4. City shorts, with a variety of shoe options

Any questions?

"Wow, what a great idea!"

So* I start combing the internet shopping sites to see what kind of great Spring fashion is out there, and I stumble upon a page called "Interview Must-Haves" on Banana Republic. And I think, "Wow, what a great idea!" because The Republic usually has a section on business wear — suits, dresses, pumps, etc. — but let's face it: A lot more people are going to interviews than actually going to work these days. Okay, maybe not a lot more. (My math's not that good.)

But I read the news and I do know that unemployment is up and continues to rise. People who are going on job interviews are looking for any edge they can get. Not that people who are out of work can afford to shop at The Republic. But good on BR for at least making a timely marketing effort.

Then I looked at the page.

And I gotta tell you, if you interview with me wearing this:

I'm probably not going to hire you.






*Like, ALL my posts start out with "So..." don't they?

"Embellishments and sparkle will be in."

So today's lead story on the Life section of USA Today.com is how to get a jump on Spring fashion. Are you just dying to see what they recommend? What a full-time fashion writer for a national newspaper has found?

Miniskirts will be fuller, with things like ruffles.


Embellishments and sparkle will be in.


Skinny & fitted is out. Baggy is in.

Seriously? SERIOUSLY? There isn't one thing on that list that hasn't been in every closet in America FOR AT LEAST THREE YEARS.

WTF, USAT? That's the best you can do?

*Sigh* I guess if you want things done right, you have to do them yourself. I'm off now to see what I can find for Spring fashion trends. Will get back to you shortly.

Return to Ravishing

This weekend, Big Daddy told me in no uncertain terms that perhaps I would feel better if I took a little better care of myself. I'm being much kinder than he was. He pretty much said, "I realize that your clinging to sanity at this point, but you look like shit. Could you do something about that?" There was nothing kind or constructive about it.

But of course he's right. We all know that when we feel good, we look good, and vice versa, right ladies? But sometimes we're just TOO. DAMN. TIRED to fix our hair. And sometimes we need that extra 15 minutes of sleep more than we need to shave our legs. Amirite??

But I made time yesterday to wash and straighten my hair. And I got my nails done. Although frankly, none of that did anything for me yesterday. But this morning I did put on a summer dress with a scarf and pumps (even though yee-ouch, my feet are killing me.). And I hot-rolled my hair, even though I was already running a bit late for work. And the results may not be miraculous, but at least I don't feel like flinging myself over the edge so far this morning.

Mommybloggers like to talk about "fighting the frump" but I always picture that as something those work-at-home moms suffered from when they never bother to get out of their pajama pants all day. I think us working-outside girls need a campaign of our own. Like Return to Ravishing. Maybe you have something better — leave your suggestions in the comments along with ways that you Return to Ravishing when the grind of daily living has run you down.

Just for Fun

Because I admire people who find a way to make their jobs fun.

"People had to make a living selling apples on the street."

When I was little, my sister once told me, "Dad said he remembers people trying to sell apples on the street during the Great Depression." At the time, the part that shocked (and scared) me was that people had to make a living selling apples on the street.

I was in my 40s before I realized that Dad was born in 1917, which would have made him a teenager during the Depression. Which means that he would have a lot more recollection of the time than just street-cart vendors. Now I regret that I didn't talk to him about it while he was alive. My sister is still alive, though. I think she owes me an explanation.

Now I'm curious as to what my grandfather did for a living. Is that bad that I don't even know? I wonder how they got on during the Depression. Did Grampa Hobbs keep his job? My grandmother died of a stoke when my dad was in high school. I wonder what year that would have been? Early 30s, right? Was that a result of the economic stress? How did it effect the family's livlihood?

Anyway, I've been thinking of all this because I have a theory that you can tell the generation a person is from by how she stores her leftovers.

Our grandmothers stored their leftovers is salvaged cool whip and butter tubs, even bread wrappers, because they had lived through the Depression and knew what it was like to go without.

Our mothers stored their leftovers in permanent plastic bowls bought at Tupperware parties in their girlfriends' living rooms, because they wanted to be perfect wives, taking care of their perfect families, and not let the Communists win.

We store our leftovers in disposable plastic containers that we bought at the store. The hell?

*****

PS - Last night I took my medicine before I went to bed, but then 10 minutes later I was all, "Did I just take my p.m. medicine? Or my a.m. medicine?" and I sincerely couldn't remember. But I couldn't take another sleeping pill in case it was, in fact ANOTHER sleeping pill and then I wouldn't wake up for a day and a half. Turns out it wouldn't have been another one afterall, because I most assuredly did take my a.m. meds before bed. That means that I not only didn't have a sleeping pill, but I had an extra dose of my anti-depressant. So not only did I not sleep, but I laid in bed like one giant Tourrettes tic, unable to keep my feet from moving AND not sleeping. IT WAS AWESOME.

Celeb-pretty?

I'm trying to remember when it was that I thought Fergie was pretty.

"Is that bone supposed to be slanted like that?"

This morning I went to the podiatrist. I had been about a year ago, and he told me the pain in the balls of my feet were caused by cysts that would need to be removed surgically. I told him I was getting ready to go on vacation to the beach. He told me to call and schedule the surgery when I got back. Of course I never did. So when my feet got to hurting me badly enough, I went back.

"Welcome back," he said.
"Yeah...I guess it's been a year or so," I replied.
He looked at my file. "Actually, it's been three."
Oops. Time flies.

So basically, because I walk on the inside of my feet — or 'pronate' — and wear heels every day, all the pressure is being focused on that one spot just below my big toe. He took X-rays of my feet, and we saw this:


Huh. "Is that large bone supposed to be slanted like that?" I asked him.
"No, it should be straight like the other four."
Huh again. "So do I pronate because the bone is like that, or is the bone like that because I pronate?" These are the kind of questions that keep me awake at night.
"You probably pronate because the bone is like that. You're missing that support on the inside of your feet that would normally hold it flat and keep it from rolling inward."

"Here's what we can do," he said. "We'll make one incision here [indicating the ball of my foot] and remove the cyst that has formed. But if you continue to walk on the inside of your foot, it will just come back. So we'll make another incision here [indicating the outside of my ankle, just above the joint] and we'll insert a plug into the joint that will prevent the foot from rolling so far inward. You will still have some range of motion, for stability, but your foot won't roll so far inward."
"Is it going to hurt? Will you give me pain meds? I have a very low threshold for pain."
"Of course. We'll do it as out-patient surgery under regional anesthesia." That means I'll be awake but my foot will be numbed. "We'll have to do one foot at a time. We'll do it on a Thursday and you'll be back at work by Monday. You'll spend three weeks in a boot until the stitches are all removed."

"If I have the surgery on a Thursday, and I have tickets to a basketball game — say, an NCAA Sweet Sixteen tournament — on a Friday night, would I still be able to go to the game?"
"Mmmm...probably not."
"Let's do it in April, then."

"Coach, your team is fighting."

This afternoon Elijah's AAU basketball team played in a semi-final tournament game. (We won 58-51 in OT last night to qualify.) We played really well in the first half - the teams matched each other point-for-point - and we started out the second half fairly well, but we just got out-hustled and out-rebounded and the other team got on a roll and put us away.

Our coach is pretty emotional and even got a technical once when he tried to take a time-out and the ref didn't see him? didn't give it to him? IDK but he didn't get it and then the other team scored again and Coach got pissed and kicked a ball.

When the game was over, our boys kinda looked like they weren't too keen on going in the locker room with him. They probably figured they were going to get yelled at. After a bit, Coach came out of the locker room and was shaking hands with all the parents and thanking us for coming, and we heard what sounded like some chairs falling over in the locker room. Someone from the gym went back there to check on things, then came out and said, "Coach, your team's fighting."

Well he went back in the locker room and closed the door and when they came back out, the boys were lined up and he was hollering at them like a drill sargent. [FYI, there weren't actually punches thrown. Just a chair. Heh.] He marched them all out on the court, yelling at them to line up and hurry up, and then he made them lay down on the floor on their stomachs.

He made them hold themselves up in a push-up position on two fists and one leg. One boy just sat there and Coach yelled at him, "Are you a part of this team or not?" and the boy got up and walked away so I'm guessing not. Not anymore anyway.

It kind of made me feel just a little nauseous watching Elijah out there - I had to not look at him. Because first, I know that he has practically no upper-body strength so making him hold himself up like that was probably hurting him pretty bad. That's my heart talking. Because my head knows that my child needs discipline as much as every other 15-year-old boy in this world. And that's what Coach was doing - he was disciplining them. He wasn't making them run windsprints in 100 degree weather while denying them water.

When he let the boys up, he lined them up in front of the parents, and made them apologize to us. And those mamas started in on those boys!! I kept waiting for one of them to say, "You are not too big for me to whip you." Then he made the players apologize to each other and reminded them that they are a TEAM - win or lose, they do it together. But I was not feeling a lot of love in that gym.

And now...the rest of the story

We played the Jazz last night for the championship. Remember this team? They were the ones who got in the finals because their coach threw a hissy fit about the other team bringing in extra players.

I'll start with the end of the story: We lost by one point. Anyone want to guess how they beat us? Anyone? Guess? ...

Oh yes, he did.

The motherfucker wouldn't have even BEEN IN the championship game except that the team that beat them brought in (illegal) extra players. And yet he brought in THREE (illegal) extra players to play us.

Our coach was out of town (they refused to reschedule the game for another night) so Big Daddy had to fill in as coach. Before the game, Brad (the league guy) comes over to him with the Jazz roster. At the bottom of the list are three names handwritten in, with "(injury)" next to each name. And Brad tells Big Daddy that they're part of the team, they just haven't been able to play all season because of injury.

To which I say OH REALLY? Show me where [name redacted] paid $100 to play in this league and I'll sit down and shut up. Because I personally know [name redacted] and his mother and I KNOW they did not pay $100 to join the league. I guess next year, we won't pay either, we'll just come out and play for free whenever we want. How do you like that, BRAD?

I'm not trying to sound like a sorry loser. The point is — the same rules should apply to everyone. If the Jazz had won that game fair and square I'd be the first mom to say "Tough luck, kids. That's life." But if one team is disqualified for bringing in extra players, shouldn't that apply to ALL teams? It pisses me off because frankly, our boys deserved that championship. They beat this team twice in the season (once by 30+ points). We beat ALL the teams, until they started bringing in extra players. And it pisses me off. Can you tell?

And poor Big Daddy. We led by 10+ points for all of the second half, until right at the end, and we got several penalty calls and they were able to come back. They actually won on a penalty call against us. After the game, Big Daddy told all the parents that the loss was his fault, that he should've called a different play. But I think he said that just so the boys wouldn't feel bad.

Big Daddy says I should let it go, but I am soooo writing an email to the league this morning. If you don't speak up, you can't expect things to change. It's important that they know that we're onto them.

Two! Two! Two posts in one! It's not a post, it's a novel

Chapter One

SNOW!!

It started Saturday afternoon and continued throughout the night. We got about six inches at our house. It was awesome! And so beautiful! I wish I had photos to show you, but my camera's not charged. Well...there is THIS:


The National Weather Service reported that southwest Tennessee received more snow than it has since 1968 — a 41-year record! Not that six inches is a record, but some areas got as much as 18 inches! I thought I would take this record-breaking opportunity to teach Elijah a bit about driving in winter conditions. So we went up to the church parking lot and did e-brake donuts until one of the hubcaps fell off. It was awesome.

The timing of the winter storm was just right for us — it started on Saturday afternoon and continued through the night. Sunday morning we awoke to the most beautiful March First Winter Wonderland (Happy Birthday, Sis!). You know it's a good snow in Memphis when it actually sticks to the roads and sidewalks, and not just the grass. It was sunny yesterday, so it mostly melted off the streets, although plenty of yards and roofs are still covered. Because it was a weekend storm, there were no school cancellations. Lots of churches closed yesterday, I guess. Which is kind of weird. I've never heard of churches closing.

Chapter Two
The Saga of the Phone

So the school systems here have a no-cell-phone policy. The kids aren't allowed to have a phone on their property. If they must bring one, for purposes after school or whatever, I guess they're supposed to keep it in their locker. Now I understand that students are using cell phones for all sorts of nefarious purposes (cheating on tests, taking inappropriate photos of teachers or students to post to the web, engaging in social activities — i.e. texting — during class) and I agree that there must be rules against that sort of behavior.

But in today's society, I kind of have a problem with the "no phones on campus" policy, given that at any moment my son may need to call 911 because someone is shooting up his classroom. Elijah was given a cell phone in late elementary or early middle school, when he became old enough that he was going places and doing things without his dad or me. I wanted him to be able to call us any time that he was not with us. And that holds true now more than ever when he's at school. So yeah, I let him take his phone. And I know he's using it between classes to text his friends. Big deal. As long as they don't pull it out in class, I don't see where they're doing anyone any harm.

But last Tuesday some dolt in Elijah's English class didn't have his ringer turned off, and his phone rang in class. And you can just bet that the result of that thoughtless act resulted in some widespread punishment. The teacher went over to the section of the classroom from where the ring came, and demanded that all of those students empty their pockets. She then took up every cell phone that appeared. Even though you could easily enough look at the phones to see which one just received the call.

Phones that are taken up are kept in the office. Parents can pick them up on Monday mornings. So Elijah has been without his phone all week and all weekend. Which was kind of a huge pain in OUR ass, because we didn't have a way to reach him when he was out, other than texting his friends and asking them to pass along a message.

This morning I drove carpool and went into the office to retrieve Elijah's phone. The lady pulled out a plastic bin full of 5x7 brown envelopes, each with a name and class written on the front. I'm guessing that her sole purpose on Monday mornings is to hand out phones. There were a ton of them in there. One was steadily ringing a LaBamba ringtone. Which, you gotta admire the battery life of a phone that's been under the counter for three to seven days and is still just a-ringing away. You also have to admire the patience of the woman working the phones for not smashing that one up against the wall. Turns out if you work in a high school office you have an incredibly high tolerance for irritating noise.

She handed me his phone, along with a copy of the county schools cell phone policy — which states that on a second violation he will have his phone confiscated and will receive two days of in-school suspension. A third violation demonstrates a "wreckless disregard" for the rule and warrants a five-day suspension. And frankly, the whole thing just really pisses me off. He didn't do anything wrong in the sense that his phone did not cause a disruption to the class. He was not cheating or texting in class or taking inappropriate photos to post on the internet. He was basically sitting in the wrong desk at the wrong time and I hardly think that is cause for a later suspension.

Yes, I recognize that he did indeed break the rule, BY HAVING A PHONE. That's like if there were a "No drinks on desks with computers" rule at your office (which, there may very well be). Everyone knows it's the rule, but no one really follows it. You just bring your coffee and be careful with it, so as not to spill it on your harddrive. If some clumsy moron spills his diet coke in his keyboard, should you be punished for flagarent disobedience to the rule?

What are your thoughts on kids at school having phones? Did your opinion change when you had children of your own?

Epilogue

I like Katie's hair in this picture: