25 Things for those of you not on FB

If you're on Facebook you know that everyone's doing this "25 Things about Me" meme. Only they don't call it a meme on FB. Cause they're not as cool as us bloggers. They just call it a "note." Which is pretty lame really.

I wasn't going to do it because I really didn't see the point. I mean whatev. If you want to know about me, go read my blog. (Not you. You're already reading my blog. The people on FB, I mean.) But then people kept tagging me and I thought it might seem rude to ignore them. Then they might un-friend me and that just can't happen, because I really need everyone to like me. So I wrote this.

[And now I'm posting it here because I haven't posted all week b/c I had to write an article this week about why wristwatches are better than cell phones for telling time and that pretty much sapped me of all creative thought.]

25 Things about Me, as posted on my FB page. Which I actually titled "This Feels Painfully Unoriginal."

1. This is kind of a pointless exercise b/c I already wrote "100 Things About Me" on my blog [http://kalisah.blogspot.com/2007/04/100-things-revised.html] but I also kind of can't resist talking about myself so here's 25 More Things About Me.

2. "My Teams" are the New Orleans Saints (football) and the Univ. of Memphis Tigers (basketball). You would think, being a Saints fan, I would be able to accept defeat graciously, but DO NOT EVEN bring up last year's national championship game. I am still actually in the "Depression" stage of my grieving.

3. I never wear panty hose for the simple reason that I believe they are of the devil. Also b/c I live under the self-delusion that people might believe I appear "European" if I go bare-legged. I will wear tights in the wintertime though. I'm not stupid.

4. When I get bored, I change my hair. It has been long, short, curly, straight, blond, red and very dark Gilmore-Girl-brown. I don't understand people who don't change their hair and I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. It's not natural.

5. Shoes. Shoes shoes shoes shoes shoes. And oh yeah - did I mention? SHOES.

6. I can't stand stupid comedy and would in fact call my humor "smart." I thought "The West Wing" was one of the wittiest shows ever on TV. My favorite joke is: Rene Descartes walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Have a beer?" and he says, "Hmmm...I think not." and poof! He disappeared.

7. I love to read. I love to read real books & think that Kindle thing is evil. These days I'm enjoying reading historical nonfiction. Sarah Vowell is my idol.

8. I do have plans to write my own book some day, but not fiction. I actually kind of suck at writing fiction. I want to write witty nonfiction essays about my life experiences. Because addiction is some funny shit, yo.

9. A short list-within-a-list of people I have crushes on: Hugh Laurie, Jon Stewart, Kate Winslet, James McAvoy, Helen Mirren, Jesse L. Martin, Harry Connick Jr.

10. I can't stand for anyone to touch my kneecaps. Not even my husband. It's b/c it kind of weirds me out how they move around.

11. I value my friends & family, but I'm horrible - the worst - about keeping in touch with people. It's not you; it's me.

12. I have recurring nightmares that all my teeth are breaking off in my mouth like glass. IDK what that means, but it can't be good.

13. My favorite movie to quote in conversation is Steel Magnolias. In fact, I've already quoted it here.

14. I don't really like eating. If I could take a pill every day that would fulfill all of my nutritional and energy needs, I would totally do it. The only thing I would miss would be chocolate cake, which I consider the world's most perfect food.

15. Sometimes when I'm thinking about my teenage son I see him in my mind's eye as my brother when we were teenagers. They don't look anything alike so I don't know why I should confuse them.

16. I gave birth without drugs but if I had ever attempted labor & delivery again, I totally would have told them to shoot me up. That shit was fucked up.

17. I'm a reality television snob, in that I despise it. All of it. Except for Amazing Race, which is actually a really good show. And sometimes I kind of like watching the fat people cry on that Big Fat Loser show but I have to be in the mood.

18. I spend ENTIRELY too much money on make up. I have huge gallon ziplock bags full of it under my bathroom sink. I'd like to donate it to a battered woman's shelter since they usually escape their homes with little more than the clothes on their back, but I don't know how to find them since they're all underground.

19. My goal for the future is to live in a beach cottage in Destin, Florida, with Big Daddy and write for a living. Then someday Elijah and his wife will bring their kids on summer vacations and I'll be surrounded by grandchildren and say No! and Stop that! I'd like to have the beach house in 10 years but I hope the grandchildren don't come quite that soon.

20. I like celebrity news but I hate that toxic celebrity gossip media like Perez Hilton. I think there is definitely a world-wide paparazzi problem but as long as people keep buying the magazines, there will always be a market for their photos. So I boycott US. Unless I'm getting a pedicure. And then I might splurge.

21. I've really enjoyed finding old friends on Facebook, but I don't do all those application things so please don't send them to me. I leave that for the kidddddsss.

22. I lose my patience with people who take too long to tell a story or relate information. I prefer that people speak to me in bullet points.

23. This is taking me MUCH LONGER than I thought it would. I think my "things" should have been shorter??

24. I don't like to go to the movie theater b/c the unwashed masses are always talking and annoying me. Also it's too loud.

25. There are SO MANY places in Europe that I want to see, I couldn't begin to select just one dream travel destination.

GEEZ. Finally. If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged.

This is me, stirring things up

I think people should be able to have debates and discussions without getting angry. Even — most especially — political ones.

To that end, I often incite political discussion on my Facebook page by posting a status that I know will get people riled up. Then let the fun begin!

See, my Facebook friends span a very wide political spectrum. On the one side, there's a slew of people I went to high school with, many of whom were born and raised in a small Mississippi town, still live there, and don't necessarily have much of a world view. Nearly all of them are evangelical conservative Christians (First Baptist Church of Long Beach). On the other end are people I've met more recently, friends whose political views are more closely aligned with my own (liberal). So you know when I post a status like "Kalisa thinks it's interesting that the same people who call themselves 'pro-life' support war and torture." you can just sit back and try not to get hit by the punches.

Cause man, people get WORKED. UP. They start arguing amongst themselves and then it can get really ugly with the name calling and accusations flying. And I don't understand that. No one feels more passionately about their views than I do. I can sit and debate with you all damn day if you want to. I get a real kick out of it. I'll argue a rebuttal point for each and every one of your points and never will it lead to me becoming irate. People who resort to that totally lose debate points with me.

Just know that if you end your argument with "Keep on drinking the koolade" or some such reason-deficient exchange, I win.

Sweat of the Brow and all that

When I was a child, my mom used to always say, "I've been way too easy on you kids." And I would think, "The hell?? Always making me vacuum the rugs and fold the laundry." After I got older I realized what she was talking about.

I'm guilty of it, too. I have decided today that we have completely failed our son by not teaching him a work ethic. As the President said in his speech, hard work builds character, and the boy's never had to work hard for anything in his life. He rarely fixes his own food. He doesn't wash his own dishes or launder his own clothes. We got him a dog, but he never feeds it or waters it or takes it for a walk. He doesn't have to do chores for the money he needs; we just give it to him. When we do ask him to empty the dishwasher or mow the yard, he acts SO put out, like he's the pitiful, mistreated orphan child from a Dickens novel.

Wow, I'm painting a nice picture of him, huh? Unfortunately, I think a lot of kids of his generation are growing up like this. I've heard they're being called the "Ta-Da Generation" because they came out of the womb and it was captured on videotape. In an attempt to raise our children with healthy self-images and confidence, we've gone to the other extreme and treated them like little Hollywood celebutantes whose every bowel movement is documented with photographs.

The results of our failed parenting methods are manifesting themselves with Elijah in sports. He's playing competitive basketball now for the first time (as opposed to recreational) and we're just not seeing the effort that we had expected. The kid is really good — not like college scholarship good, but we have all seen glimpses of real brilliance on the court. When he gets really motivated and confident he can be amazing. And he really, really loves basketball. So neither his dad nor the coach can understand why he won't commit to it and work hard at it. It's like working hard at something is foreign to him — as if he thinks he can go out on the court and just "play" and success will be handed to him.

Mommybloggers make jokes about mistakes they make with their young children and are all "Worst Mom Ever, Right Here!!" Until the kids get to be teenagers, and you start seeing the results of your mistakes — real, true I'm-going-to-need-therapy results — and then it's not so funny anymore.

How are you teaching your kids a work ethic? How was it taught to you? And is it too late for mine?

Name Game

I named my son after Elijah Wood.

Okay, not exactly after him, but that is where I got the name. Back before he was a hobbit, he was this adorable child actor, playing in movies like Paradise and Radio Flyer and Forever Young. And I told my then-roommate "Oh, that little boy with the big blue eyes is so adorable! And doesn't he have a spectacular name: Elijah Wood?"

Next thing I knew I was expecting a child, and I told my husband that I liked the name 'Elijah' for a boy. Being Jewish, he thought I was humoring him. No, really, I like the name 'Elijah.' And it was settled. Then, before we ever even decided on a girl's name, it was determined that we were indeed having a boy, so the little guy was always just 'Elijah,' from start till, well...now. He's still 'Elijah.'

At first we were going to call him Eli. Then somewhere around the fifth or sixth month I guess, Big Daddy says to me that he doesn't like 'Eli' but he still likes 'Elijah.' Cool, I say. We won't call him Eli then. And we never have. Although some people do — more, the older he gets. And that's fine. You have to be okay with the nicknames. You can't name your son 'Michael' if you hate 'Mike' with the fire of ten thousands suns, because people are going to call him 'Mike,' no matter how much you fight it.

Elijah's name has been shortened to 'Lige' though. 'Ligey' when he was little. He probably hates that I just wrote that on the internets. It was never like a proper nickname, however. I would never address a note for him: "Lige - please pick up your room." It's just a shortened version of his name when I'm hollering at him from the other side of the house: "LIGE! Come eat!" Or when he's standing on the free-throw line: "Come on, Lige!!"

I never had any more children, but I picked out names for my imaginary offspring much like a young single girl does. I decided that if I'd had another child — girl or boy — that baby would have been called Sam either way. Samuel is a family name on my side, my grandfather's middle name. Samantha Grace was my pretend baby girl.

How did you pick your children's names? Or, if you don't have any yet, which names do you have on reserve?

January 20, 2009

Well this has been one helluva day, huh? I've never seen anything like it. Certainly not for a presidential inauguration. I don't even think there were that many people on the mall for the Bicentennial Fourth of July in 1976, which I mean, 200th Birthday, pretty historic occasion. But this just blew it all away.

Not to take anything away from President Obama and the significance of his presidency, but I can't help but think that at least part of the excitement stems from people being SO FREAKING HAPPY to see Bush leave. It's like the perfect storm of a new administration AND the first African-American president AND the hope of restoring America to its previous esteemed position in the world, that has made today just off-the-charts intoxicating for so, so many people.

And come on, it's not just me. A 22 percent approval rating? He didn't preserve, protect and defend the Consititution; he pissed all over it.

When I was 2 years old, the people living in tents on the Mall as part of the Poor People's Campaign attacked my mom's car while I was in the back seat. It scared her quite a bit, but everyone escaped mostly unscathed. Forty years later, in that baby's lifetime, millions gathered again on that Mall to witness the swearing in of the first African-American US president. Who would've thought?

Escaping the rat race. (Just grab ahold of Oprah's rope)

You know, I never forward those feel-good emails that people constantly send. I figure there's enough of those things circulating around cyberspace without me contributing to the flotsam. But today someone sent me something that I thought was really, really good, and very inspirational as far as following your dreams and making them a reality. And yeah, I forwarded it to a couple people.

That's not even the most painful confession. The hardest thing to admit is...I think this came from Oprah. And it pains me terribly to admit that I'm taking life advice from She Who Believes She Was Sent To Lead The World. But hey, even self-appointed oligarches come up with a good idea now and then, don't they? I mean, I suppose they could.

I can't recommend enough that you click on that link and read the article. So that you can learn about Rat Parks.

(I can't believe I'm even writing this, since rats are at the top of my "If I Were God I Would Not Have Created These" list. But, if you'll humor me, Your Honor, my line of questioning will be made clear.)

The term comes from a psychological study that was done with rats in cages vs. rats in a 200-square foot rodent paradise — one where they could partake in all their favorite rat past times in the most luxurious and comfortable of surroundings. Turns out, when offered plain water vs. sugar-water laced with heroin, the rats in cages chose — guess? — the smack water while the rats enjoying the idyllic rat park were satisfied with the plain old water.

The author of the article writes: "When we're trapped in mind cages, gulping happy pills by the handful and fantasizing about lethally stapling coworkers, we rarely even consider that our unhappiness comes from living in captivity." Then, like every good Oprah article must, I'm sure, she gives you three simple steps ("commonsense suggestions") for engineering your own prison break.

Commonsense Suggestion #1: You Don't Have to Know What Rat Park Looks Like
"All animals are shaped by their environment, but we, more than any other species, can shape our environment right back." Basically, she tells us, nothing in life simply appears before you. If you're hungry, you have to go in the kitchen and make that grilled cheese sandwich. You don't just walk in and find it sitting on the counter waiting for you. Life is the same way. You may not know what you're going in the kitchen for, you just know you're hungry. So you open up the fridge and see what's in there. You rumage around in the cabinets. Maybe you go to the store to pick up a key ingredient that's missing. Don't know what it is you're trying to build? Time for...

Commonsense Suggestion #2: You Don't Need a Map to Find Your Rat Park
Remember that childhood game of You're Getting Warmer/ You're Getting Colder? Right, well, she says that you don't necessarily have to know what your "right life" looks like, you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse. "Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than how you think an ideal life should look." If something makes you feel both "warmer" and "colder," break it down, so that you can determine which components are right for you and which are wrong.

Commonsense Suggestion #3: You Don't Have to Make Big Changes to Get There
This idea she stole from philosopher and engineer Buckminster Fuller, whose epitaph reads "Call me trimtab." I know, right? Weird, huh. I thought maybe that was something on a vacuum cleaner because I think I thought this guy must be the Fuller Brush man. But trimtabs are actually tiny little rudders attached to larger rudders on the backs of huge ships. Apparently, if you tried to move the big rudders to steer the ships, they would snap off (IDK. Old Bucky there was the engineer, not me.), so by moving these tiny little trimtabs, a pressure builds or something and anyway, it cause the whole giant ship to move. So be the trimtab. Make tiny little decisions and changes based on what feels warmer to you. Pretty soon you'll find your whole ship has changed course.

If you want it to, I mean.

Better late than never when it comes to making fun of people, I always say

I'm like a week behind on this thing, so let's get right to it, hmm?

In the category Great color...Questionable dress, our nominees are:

Blake Lively: Is it just me? Or does it seem a little...tight?

Jessica Capshaw: You realize when you sit down in this you're going to look like you're sitting on the commode, right?

Rumer Willis: Girls who perpetually slouch should never select strapless.

And the award goes to...

CAMERON DIAZ! Because I don't even KNOW what all the hell is going on here. Look at it from the side...there's more:

That's just a mess.

In the category Girl, You're hair is jacked up! the nominees are:

Sarah Chalke: Is this supposed to be soft curls? Gently mussed? Crimped? Because it just looks like the bottom four inches need to be lopped off.

Drew Barrymore. Anyone who watched the show knew this one was coming. I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume the look was to help promote her upcoming eccentric role in "Grey Gardens."

Renee Zellweger. This is especially disturbing because I KNOW how short her hair is, and while she seems to be hoping that this looks like a casually messy up-do, it is, in fact, all of her hair. And that's just crazy.

And the award goes to...

CAMERON DIAZ AGAIN!!! Girl, you're hair is JACKED. UP. And get your roots done.


In the category Well OK, but only because you're a supermodel, the award goes to:

Heidi Klum

In the category Just STFU Already, the award goes to:

Megan Fox, who, despite looking like THIS, spent all of her interviews talking about how insecure she felt. Whatev.

In the category I didn't even know they gave Golden Globes to truckers, the award goes to:

Yeah.

In the category, If you hated how thin she got for Dream Girls, this must be your lucky day, the award goes to:

Beyonce. What, no over-the-shoulder shots, B?

In the category, Least Flattering Dress, there's a TIE!

Rachel Griffiths, and

Angelina Jolie! Either of whom will be forgiven her misstep if she is, in fact, hiding a secret pregnancy under there.

In the category I'm Loving the Soft Make-up Trend, the nominees are:

Mrs. Parker

Ms. Cruz

And the award goes to:

Olivia Wilde. Who killed.

In the category I know you like showing off, but do you really want to be sitting around half-naked all night? REALLY? the award goes to:

Duh.

In the category Personal Favorite Trend, [soft makeup/bright lipstick] the nominees are:

That Big Love girl, in rose

Christina Applegate, in strawberry

And the award goes to...

My beloved Kate, in melon

Best of Night:

Kyra Sedgewick: She had all the trends - the soft make up, the beautifully colored dress, the belt! The style of the dress was flattering and completely age-appropriate. She has a beautiful figure and a classic posture and this dress was a very good choice for her. Even though in this picture, that big ole train appears to be pulling her over.

Olivia Wilde: I love that her hair and makeup looked so natural and pretty. No Martha-Washington-up-dos for her. Her dress is every little girl's dream. It was a beautiful, flattering color that was set off perfectly by the soft makeup and lavender eyeshadow.


Christina Applegate: Some people thought her dress was a little too Belle-from-Beauty-and-the-Beast, but I thought it looked amazing on her. The necklace was a slamdunk. Her hair and makeup are sublime.

Does this dress make me look like a hooker?

The parking garage that I use downtown every day services two buildings - the condos on one side of it and my office building across the street from it. The morning attendant sits in the little attendant's booth and the evening guy strolls around on the sidewalk out front. Same two guys, day after day.

The morning guy, I noticed during the election, had an Obama sticker on his truck. So one day this week, as I was pulling in, I stopped to talk to him a bit about the inauguration. And he says to me, "Do you live here in this building?"

Now I have to wonder, what kind of job does this man think I have that I'm coming HOME at 8:30 in the morning?

Bookworm

I have a love-hate relationship with books.

I love reading books! I love buying books! Although I hate how much books cost. And how much I spend on books. I love the library, because of course I love FREE books! But I hate that the library's selection of new and current books is so limited. I love when books on my to-read list come out in paperback! But I hate waiting for them to come out in paperback.

And god...I HATE Barnes & Noble.

I don't want to hate B&N. I distinctly remember being very happy when they came to town. Memphis has such poor shopping options that, while the rest of the country may bemoan the big box stores, we get all giddy when we pick up a national chain. But the more I shop there, the less pleased I become.

First of all, their selection is for shit. Unless you want to buy chick lit or cookbooks. Then you're all set. And to compound how hard it is to find books there, THEY DON'T LET YOU USE THE COMPUTERS TO SEARCH. And that really annoys me. Because you know what? It's none of your damn business what books I'm looking for. I'm sure the great corporate idea behind this is CUSTOMER SERVICE and WE WILL BE HERE FOR YOU. WE WILL LOOK UP YOUR BOOK FOR YOU, THEN WE WILL WALK YOU TO THE SHELF AND PULL IT OFF AND PLACE THE BOOK INTO YOUR HANDS. NOW THAT'S SERVICE.

But the truth is 1) they are not there for me (probably because they've walked off with another customer to personally introduce them to their book) and 2) if they are at the desk, there are at least three other people waiting ahead of me to have them look up a book. So this little experiment in service of yours, B&N? Yeah, IT'S NOT WORKING.

When I finally do get someone to punch into her computer the title of the book I'm looking for (because clearly, I am unable to handle such a task), they say, "Yeah. It's on the shelf."

"Really?" I'll ask. "In what section? Because I can not find it." They'll tell me the section and I'll say, "Yeah, I've looked there." So they'll walk over to that section with me, because CLEARLY, I am unable to determine if "Parks" comes before or after "Patterson" and I need a punk college student, who is already judging my reading preferences and is now forming opinions about my alphabetizing abilities as well, to find the book for me.

We'll go to the shelf where I have already spent 10 minutes searching. She will look. Squat down. Look some more. Look on the next shelf. Then proclaim, "Huh. We must not have it."

Customer service at its finest. Clearly, so very helpful.

And B&N? This has not just happened to me once. Or twice. Or even a handful of times. No, this happens to me EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO TO YOUR STORE.

One may ask, "Kalisa, why do you continue to go to that store then?" And I would answer, "It's convenient to the expressway, so I can stop on my way home from work when the mood strikes me, or when I know there's nothing on television." Which is also why I don't just order my books from Amazon: I'm lousy at planning ahead.

Follow me on Good Reads and share your book recommendations.

In case you were wondering...

I did not do a fashion re-cap of the Globes because I was unable to find any web sites where I could hork their photographs. Everyone's posting them in flash now or whatever so that you can't pull them down & use them for your own personal gain.

Which sucks.

"You have no idea why people are mad at you about Katrina, do you?"

Proving, once again, that Jon Stewart is the funniest motherfucker on television.

"This president is suddenly doing press as if January 20th is the day his album drops."

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Six Days Seven Nights

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

In case of headache, break glass

I forgot to mention that the neurologist yesterday also gave me a prescription to take if (when) I do get a migraine. My previous procedure has been to take a handful of Advil and lie in a darkened room with an ice pack on my head, which actually worked fairly well for me, in spite of busybodies who have said to me in the past, "Advil? If you can get rid of it with Advil then it's not a migraine."

He didn't give me Imitrex though because it has some interaction precautions with the antidepressant that I take. He gave me Relpax. And when I picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy last night, the Inderal was in a regular pill vial but the Relpax was several pills in blister packs tossed into a ziplock bag with a sticker slapped on the outside of it.

Seriously, Walgreens? You're delivering my drugs in a baggie now? Maybe next time we can meet in the Kroger parking lot and do the transaction through our car windows.

My brain. It's broke.

I was originally diagnosed with migraines when I was 14 years old. They put me on Inderal, a beta-blocker which I guess was the drug of choice for preventing them in 1980. I must've quit taking the Inderal sometime in my 20s - probably when I didn't have health insurance. Over the years the headaches have alternately subsided and resurged. And over the last six months, I've been going through a relentless resurgence. Prior to that, I probably had headaches three or four times a year; now I'm getting them three or four times a month.

Yes, coincidentally, since you asked, I did in fact start a new job about six months ago. The stress there is probably part of the cause for the insurgence resurgence. (I feel like my brain has turned against me some days.) Also, the downtown building is pretty old; the ceilings aren't very high, and there are these horrid florescent lights that run the length of the building. So even though I have my own office, there's no way to disconnect the lights without leaving everyone in the dark. And I do believe that the lights are a big part of the problem. I'm very sensitive to bright lights in my eyes. I can't tell you how many times when Elijah was growing up I would say to him, "Do not shine that flashlight in my eyes!" because I knew it would give me a migraine almost instantly.

So today I went to a neurologist to discuss the possibility of preventive treatment. Because I just can't keep being sidelined by these headaches.

I was kind of hoping to get on Topamax, since I have friends who have had great results with that. And since I get stroke-like symptoms with my headaches, I thought I'd be a good candidate for it. But the doctor told me that one of the side effects of Topamax is AN INABILITY TO REMEMBER WORDS. And he was all, "That could be a problem in your line of work." And I was all, "Dude, I need my words." So he decided to put me on another option for prevention: a beta-blocker. Twenty-eight years later and I'm on the same damn thing I was when they diagnosed me. This is the best we can do? There haven't been any advances on the migraine front since I was 14? Nice.

But I trust him (he is the one with advanced degrees in neuro medicine) so we're going to try going back on the Inderal. Plus, since I have a tiny little heart defect, the beta-blocker will lower my blood pressure so my heart doesn't have to work as hard. So there's a two-birds-one-stone bonus. Possible side effects of the Inderal include cold hands and feet (Big Daddy will be so pleased.) and the risk of fainting if I stand up too fast. Pssshh. Long as I can keep writing.

Kalisa is ______________

I think I mentioned in my end-of-year reflection that I fell in love in 2008...with Facebook. I never would have imagined the people I've found there. I just hit 200 friends, which really, I didn't even know I KNEW 200 people.

Some people think FB is voyeuristic and self-involved. "I'm going to work now." "I'm going home from work now." "I'm having dinner with the family now." And you do get some friends like that, I guess. But with most FB friends, it's a great way to stay in touch with people on a more personal level, and for me, that's a really, really good thing. Because I'm horrible about keeping up with people.

Friends I used to work with (89 Friends)

You know how, when you leave a job, you swear that you'll meet for lunch once a week and stay in touch and not let those friendships go? Yeah, it never happens, does it? 89 friends sounds a little extreme - like I must've had a ton of jobs - but that's just four, counting the current one. And it's really nice to be able to make good on that promise.

Downside: Seeing everyone at your old job ringing in the new year together...without you.

Friends from High School (71)

When I started tracking down old friends from high school, I really got hooked on this. I moved away from my hometown 18 months after graduation, and lost track of all but my one or two best friends. Five years ago, I went back for my 20th reunion, which was great, but was limited to my own graduating class, and even then, we only got about half the people to show. On FB I've found not only the group of friends that made high school bearable for me, but I've found that I have a lot in common now with people that I wasn't really even friends with then.

Downside: You worry constantly that the people you try friending won't remember you.

Elementary School (5)

Boy, this was something I never expected. I lived in Arlington, Va., up through sixth grade, when my family moved to the Mississippi coast. I searched the graduating class of the high school I would've attended had we never left, and started finding people I went to ELEMENTARY SCHOOL with. This was more than *gulp* 30 years ago!!! Talk about a blast from the past. That's been worth the price of admission alone.

Downside: None that I can see. Unless you're embarrassed by the whole world wide web seeing photos of you in fourth grade.

Your Kid's Friends (11)

I'm not fooling myself - I know most of them only friended me because they wanted to tag the photos I posted from Elijah's birthday party. But it's a good way to keep up with what those crazy kids are up to. Like when 15-year-olds post photos of the keg party they had on New Year's Eve.

Downside: You can't friend them; you have to wait for them to come to you.

Family [& Practically Family] (17)

Plain and simple, it's an easy way to share photos, especially with those loved ones who live far away.

Downside: Just trying to get them all online.

Next time: What do you do when you accidentally friend someone that you think you know, but turns out to be a stranger with the same name as your friend? Unfriend? Ignore? Admit your mistake?

Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this post.

Last night I was reading where a friend on Facebook published one of those "16 Things About Me" lists, and I was thinking - since I read it right before bed - that I could probably come up with 16 things just about my sleeping habits:

1. I sleep with three pillows: One under my head, one under my knees, and Elijah's little baby pillow (which is called "Little Pillow") which I will readily admit is part sleep comfort, part security blanket.
   
2. I suffer from a form of insomnia where I never really go into deep sleep; I just kind of drift in and out of sleep all night. I take Trazadone for that, because it's non-narcotic and non-habit-forming. It works mostly.
   
3. It ALWAYS takes me 30 minutes to fall asleep. And that's with the medication. Big Daddy is snoring within 2 minutes of his head hitting the pillow, which still kind of pisses me off 16 years later.
   
4. I usually go to sleep with the TV on, because I have to have something for my brain to concentrate on. Otherwise it just runs round and round like a gerbil on a wheel. While the whole not-sleeping thing is kind of a pain, I usually come up with some pretty good blog topics during this time.
   
5. It's very important, though, that the TV volume be at EXACTLY the right level. It must be very low, so as to not be distracting, but not so low that you have to strain to hear it, which will actually keep you awake.
6. I've recently discovered that the whir of a box fan can serve that same purpose.
   
7. I used to take a homeopathic remedy for the extreme mental acuity, and it actually worked pretty good. But there's only one store in Memphis that sells it, and it's not very convenient to where I live or work, so I mostly am out of that remedy all the time.
8. I sleep in an over-sized t-shirt because I have to sleep in something that I can't feel - which means no waistbands or spaghetti straps or anything annoying like that.
   
9. I never sleep on my stomach. I mostly sleep on my sides and sometimes on my back.
   
10. I think I snore sometimes if I sleep on my back, though.
11. I HAVE to have a pillow between my knees when I sleep on my sides. It keeps my hips and back in line. In fact, if for some reason I was sleeping somewhere and I only had one pillow, I would use it between my knees rather than under my head. It's that important.
12. Plus, I really, really don't like feeling the bones in my knees touch. But that's kind of another quirk altogether.
    
13. I wake up really slowly. I always have to set my alarm clock a half-hour earlier than I want to get up, because it will take hitting the snooze that many times before I come to consciousness.
    
14. I wake up really slowly on the weekends, too. Even without an alarm clock, I surface gradually over a 30-minute stretch.
    
15. Big Daddy thinks I have Restless Leg Syndrome. I don't think I do but he has been sleeping with me for 16 years so I guess he would know.
    
16. When Big Daddy travels, I sleep in the middle of the bed. Some people can't do that, but I sure the hell can.
    

Wow, that wasn't hard at all.

I heard Carrie Underwood changed her dress THREE TIMES.

Ya'll know that I love awards shows. But awards shows have become like reality shows - you really have to comb through them and pick out the one or two that you're willing to commit to and eschew the rest. Otherwise you really do risk your sanity.

So I didn't watch the PEOPLE'S CHOICE awards last night. Mostly, because I think the people are stupid and will probably make bad choices. I myself am holding out for the Globes. Which, if you don't know, is the most fun of all the shows.

I did, however, glance at a few of the photos from last night though. Not a lot, just enough to notice that...

...Debra Messing appears to be wearing her dress backwards.

...even someone who YOU KNOW is tiny like cute little Reese Witherspoon
has cottage cheese on her thigh when she sits down.

...Dakota Fanning, on the other hand, is frightfully thin.

...Jeanne Garth now looks suspiciously like Melanie Griffith.

...and that's not a good thing.

He knows his CHEMICAL SUBSTANCES.

So report cards for the 2nd term are about to come out, but I've already seen Elijah's grades online. His school emails his dad & I weekly reports that show ALL of his grades down to every last homework, as well as his attendance. (When I was in high school, our report cards were handwritten. I can still remember the handwriting of my favorite teacher - Mrs. Edwards, my choir director. Probably because I received a total of six report cards from her over the years.)

Elijah did very well this semester. I'm not one to brag about his school performance because, frankly, it's never really been worth screaming about. He's a strong B-C student. And that's cool, you know, because he has other strengths too. He's a very well-rounded kid, who enjoys sports and can get along with anyone. Not like some genius kids that can't even carry on a conversation with adults because they're so used to being the smartest person in the room that they talk to their elders like we're all dorks from the slow reading group. Not that I know any kids like that.

When we registered Elijah for high school at the end of eighth grade, we were asked to map out his classes for the entire four years. I warned him that 10th and 11th grade were going to be tough, but that would mean he could lighten up his senior year. That's what I did. In my high school, we only had to take two years of math and science. That's because I went to school in Mississippi. I did take a third year of each - Algebra II and Chemistry my junior year. It wasn't required, but was a good idea if you planned to go to college. The really smart kids went ahead with Calculus and Physics senior year but I opted for typing and concentrated on ruling the school instead.

But Elijah's super-hard sophomore year (he's taking English, Geometry, Spanish I, Chemistry, Graphic Communications, and Computer Literacy) has turned out to be his best yet for grades. He made Honor Roll first nine weeks FOR TIME EVER. Apparently, Honor Roll is a lot harder to achieve nowdays too. When I was in school (man, I love saying that, don't I?) "Honor Roll" meant you scored all A's and B's; today you're only allowed TWO B's. He's made all A's and B's before, just mostly B's, so that didn't count. So when he pulled out Honor Roll on his first report card this year, we were so psyched. I mean, that's a hard schedule right there, even for a brainiac student. Which we've already determined, he is not. (You should see him shoot freethrows though!)

For the second term, we kind of expected his grades to drop slightly. I mean, first of all, that whole honor roll thing? Totally could've been a fluke. Plus, he was playing basketball and that's always a bit of a distraction from schoolwork. And I think we all remember how much motivation drops in those weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. They might as well not even HAVE school.

His still got all A's and B's though, so I'm satisfied. But here's the kicker: CHEMISTRY: 98.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, powerschool? A 98 in Chemistry?? Can this be right?

I took Chemistry twice - once in high school and once in college. In HS, I was a good B student who never cracked a book. In college, where I was paying my own way, I was a hardcore, screw-up-the-curve Acer. Except in Chemistry. Because seriously people, who aces Chemistry? That shit is hard, yo.

Which makes me wonder: Has Chemistry gotten easier? Have they found a way, in their No-Child-Left-Behind brilliance, to make Chemistry passable for everyone? And if not, where's the college recruiters? I totally expect that they should be banging down our door.

Moving On (kind of)

"Mommy bloggers" typically use their blogs as a forum to discuss every hurdle and challenge they face with their children. But parents of teenagers don't really have that option. You can tell the internets about your toddler's lack of speech development or your school child's bullying experience, but I can promise you that, when she's in high school, she's not going to want you sharing her personal problems with the whole world wide web. Thus, the vagueness of the last post that left some of you wondering if everything is okay in the Not Hair household.

So first, thank you. Thank you for all of your caring and supportive comments here as well as in emails, phone calls and other media. I appreciate it all so much.

Second, I should probably explain that we're just going through typical teenage stuff with Elijah. It's just hard for me because, like many of you shared, I remember how utterly painful high school was. I remember crying night after night over some hurt. And maybe in the scheme of things, it's "just teenage stuff" but man, that "stuff" can drive a stake through your heart at the time. And to watch your child go through it is incomprehensibly saddening. I look at him in his personal agony, and he doesn't look like the 15-year-old I've gotten used to; he looks like my little boy. It shatters my heart.

You want to protect them from all the hurts in life - but you know you can't. So you want to help them - but you don't know how. Or sometimes they don't want your help. You feel so paralyzed. Which in turn leads you to feeling like a failure.

Which does no one any good really. So I told Elijah, "We can't change this situation. We can't fix it for you. But we can help you get through it. We can suggest ways to deal with what your feeling, so that - eventually - you won't feel that way anymore." And you hope it's enough.

And you pray. You pray with your whole heart that some power greater than yourself is out there, caring, watching, protecting, loving, guiding your child in a way that is far more perfect than you are humanly capable of. And you give it to Him, and you let go. It's the very, very hardest part of parenting - the letting go.

Untitled

Less than a week ago, I was thinking that I should've had more children. Then yesterday, I was reminded that I probably should never have had any at all. Not that I don't want the one I have, just that I really kind of suck at this and someone should have put their foot down and said NO and STOP THAT.

Still, I wonder if, instead of a household where we sit in separate rooms, each watching something different on television while logged onto our own laptop, if instead we lived in a house bustling with activities and people and noise, maybe I wouldn't find myself so utterly consumed by the heartbreak of just one of my children.

And maybe, under different circumstances, my husband and I wouldn't fight so much. Maybe we wouldn't be so inconsiderate to each other. Maybe we could demonstrate to our children what a successful relationship looks like, so they wouldn't have to emulate what we have.

Maybe if I didn't have just the one child, who never caused us a moment's worry, I wouldn't have left him on autopilot. Maybe I would have been more vigilant. Maybe I would have noticed when he was hurting. Maybe I would've thought to pray not just for his safety, but for his happiness, his peace, his joy.

Tunes to Run By

Remember last year? When I started that running program? Did I mention I'm doing it again? Yes. Starting Monday.

Not only that, but I sent the Couch-to-5K program to the women in my office to see who might be willing to undertake it with me. Not to actually run together, but for accountability. I thought it would be helpful if we were tackling these objectives together. And everyone of them agreed to participate! Bonus! So I've even made up a chart for our wall at the office to help us keep track of what we accomplish.

Tonight I decided I need to start finding all my equipment - warm-up pants, jacket, gloves, watch, headband. For Mother's Day last year, Elijah gave me a pedometer, but I never got it set. So I need to do that. And update my ipod.

The music part of it is a big deal to me. I need good music when I run. A triathlete I know told me, "The toughest part of running is turning off your brain." I rely on just the right blend of music to 1) keep my brain distracted and 2) keep my energy up. Last year - with input from readers - I put together this kick-ass running playlist. It was perfect too. Just exactly right. I had no complaints.

Well, except one. It eventually got a little old. And try as I might, I never could put together any secondary playlists that met the ridiculously high standard I had set with the first one. I tried. I tried different types of music. I even tried podcasts, which I can't heartily recommend.

But this year, I'm ready. I got the answer. The perfect combination of distraction and energy AND one that (when played on my ipod shuffle) won't get old anytime soon. Are you ready for this? GIRL TALK.

I know. I'm a genius.



Yep. A whole album just like that.