"Still a perfect record of having never cooked a turkey."

Best. Thanksgiving. So Far.

We'd planned for just two guests (Chip's parents), but my family said they would come later, for dessert. Still, I cooked a metric shitload of food. Because Thanksgiving is easily the best meal of the year and I wanted to make sure I had plenty of leftovers.

I did not cook a turkey. Forty-three years old and still a perfect record of having never cooked a turkey. Look, I live in Memphis. There's a bar-be-que restaurant on every corner. And every one of 'em is just dying to smoke a turkey for your holiday meal. So we've always taken advantage of that. Of course now, I work for the most famous bar-be-que'er in town, so things like ribs - and smoked turkeys - are a fringe benefit.

Chip and Elijah insisted we not eat until late - 4 pm - so around noon I put the turkey in the oven for two-and-a-half hours to heat. I made traditional sweet potatoes (with the nuts, not marshmallow, topping, since I'm apparently the only one who likes the marshmallow topping), traditional stuffing (no add-ins, since I'm apparently the only one who likes add-ins), green bean casserole (Chip's favorite). Also on the menu was canned cranberry jelly, which I absolutely LOVE and would eat every day of the year if I thought people wouldn't look at me funny, and of course turkey gravy. And I made a pumpkin pie because I was SMART enough to buy canned pumpkin on Sunday before the stores all sold out. Okay, actually I was LUCKY enough because I didn't even know there was a pumpkin shortage.

So I'm preparing the stuffing and Elijah is making fun of my apron...like he's never seen me COOK before. Which, come to think of it, it's probably been several years.

Wow, my kitchen looks junky from this angle. And my hair looks wet. Actually, my hair was wet. And my kitchen is pretty junky.

Then I got a text from my brother saying that his family wasn't having Thanksgiving dinner afterall and would we mind if he and the kids came a bit earlier? I said Come on! I got tons of food! Then I texted my mom and said "Steve & the kids are coming for dinner so u should too." She called a bit later and said her sister who was coming in from Hot Springs, Ark., was running like four hours late and maybe she would come eat afterall, too.

So what started out as two guests for Thanksgiving dinner blossomed into six guests for dinner and I could not have been more pleased! First, I had tons of food. Second, the food was all REALLY GOOD!! And third, as much as I joke about my family, they're my family, and damn, I love em.

3/4 of the family, together again. We missed you, Em!!

Everything was oh emm gee delicious. For someone who doesn't cook, I turned out one hell of a meal. If you're in Memphis and you're picking up a smoked turkey for the holidays, you're doing yourself a disservice if you're not getting it from Neely's. Everyone raved about the turkey and declared it the best we've ever had. The stuffing kicked ass and the sweet potatoes rocked my world. Only downside was I used the wrong damn green beans in the green bean casserole - I didn't get the french cut ones which I KNEW I just don't know what I was thinking. So I owe Chip another green bean casserole. The pumpkin pie was perfect and mom brought a pecan pie and the nine of us pretty much finished off EVERYTHING.

And I'll take family together over leftovers any holiday of the year.