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"My home life...is...unsatisfying."
-- Allison (Basket Case), The Breakfast Club
-- Allison (Basket Case), The Breakfast Club
Ever go through a period where everything just feels so unsatisfying to you? I'm feeling like that.
Everything in my closet is outdated, but new fashions this season are over-sized and I'm too short to wear them. I try to write but if I can manage to put together a paragraph, I hate how it reads and I throw it aside. A lot of mornings I drag myself out of bed unable to think of anything to look forward to. I told Chip the other day that I want to trade in my Mercedes convertible on a hybrid.
And it's not that I'm unhappy. Just...unsatisfied.
There can be any number of reasons for me to have these down days. First, I'm a woman: Could it be hormonal? Not to jump on the you're-cranky-must-be-that-time-of-the-month train, but I know hormones can play a huge role in my mood. Since I've been off the pill I have a harder time tracking it.
Second, I suffer from depression: Have I been taking my medication? Did I miss a day? If not, do I need to schedule an appointment to re-evaluate my prescription?
Third, I am alcoholic: Have I been to a meeting lately? Do I need to go to one? I'm blessed that I no longer have to fight the desire to drink, but my head sure can get wound around some crazy shit. AA meetings help keep all that straightened out, so I don't get to the point where I feel like I need to drink over it.
Then again, maybe it's external: Maybe it's the weather. We've had a ton of rain lately, and gray days can be gloomy for anyone - even someone who's not an alcoholic suffering from depression and PMS.
Maybe my yearly holiday blues smelled the cooler air and decided to rear its ugly head a bit early this year.
Maybe I haven't been eating very well.
Maybe I'm due a hair cut.
Maybe she's praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose! Who knows!
(Oh...sorry. Sometimes I find myself walking down a Steel Magnolias path and I don't even notice it.)
*Ahem*
So in short, blah blah blah and gray and whine whine and unsatisfyinggggg. I know I need to get my head in the game - I got it pretty damn good and I should be GRATEFUL, not hateful. What do you do when you get in a gray mood? How do you shake it off?
12 comments:
Maybe it is our age, maybe it is the way that society has evolved, maybe it is because someone as crass as Sarah Palin got a lucrative book deal....blah blah blah, I with you sister on that feeling. Maybe you just need a change of scenery or a shrimp tree festooned with olives.
long-time follower, first-time commenter here -- love your blog. i've been feeling the same way the past couple weeks, it's good to hear someone else voice it too! i used to listen to "Take On Me" every time i had a down day, but another good remedy is to work out, see a funny movie, hang with a best friend. here's to more good days as autumn stretches on..
- Diana
You don't wanna know how I cope. You do? Really? Honestly, I think about people in Rwanda and such. My life, blue pills and all, is nothing close to how bad theirs is. And it keeps me going. Oh, and the kids. They help a lot too.
Chin up. You're awesome. Don't delay in feeling such.
I love your blog. I look forward to reading it every day. That should help. Also, try listening to the Kinks' "Better Things." A short song that always lifts my spirits, at least a little.
I've been this way for about a month...the ability to cry a river at the drop of a hat, wanting to sleep all the time, eat everything in sight. Last week I joined a gym. I take a few classes a week and it's helping. When I am not doing the classes, I work out on one of the cardio machines...just me, the tv and my ipod. An hour just to myself!
I think everyone copes with the gray, blah samenesses. I find those times disappear faster when I jump into a service project -- I get so involved in the doing for someone else that I forget how badly I was feeling.
I've had that feeling lately, too! And I've read several other blogs talking about the same thing. I think everyone has their own way of dealing with it. To me, it has helped a lot just hearing that other people are feeling the same way. It's not just me. And like you said, remembering how good I really do have it.
Sometimes I think that it is definitely the age that we are at. We are the age that our parents "had it all figured out". My mom was this age, and I was already with college degree and on my own. Not with kids at home to worry and fuss over. More importantly, I think that mentally I feel like "at this age", I ought to have my shit together. I ought to have that master PLAN for MY next 40 years, rather than my kids' plan for next 15 years. I shouldn't be still soul searching for how to make Margaret happy. Part of me is in a whirl as well. I left a well (small choke since it's all relative) paying engineering job 5 years ago for that unknown "joy" of being a stay at home mom (and the knowledge that we really couldn't make all ends meet as we were accostomed to on one income). It turned out not to be as completely pleasurable as initially tauted. Yes, a good decision, but it left a definite void within my. I recently reconcilled that that void can never be refilled as it was, and that I am the only one capable of altering that plan to eliminate the void. That plan is in motion. But, K, you are not alone. We are all trying to find that sweet spot in our lives where everything is harmonious again. It's not about our clothes or the weather or our weights alone. Personally, I hate fall. It only leads to winter, which is isolating, lonely and cold. Clearly, in Maine we are in Fall. My wardrobe screams outdated, out of shape and cheap. Sigh... So if you want to feel better, you ought to visit me :-) My wardrobe, screaming kids, lousy weather, fat arse, and our newly purchased hybrid ought to cheer you up and remind you that you probably are on the other side of the septic tank (or however that silly grass is always greener expression goes).
Cheer up - you are fabulous as always,
M
Completely with you on the blah thing. I've been blaming my hormones the last six months or so. Not ever sure it that's the issue. I agree with M above - it seems out moms had it all figured out at our age....I have a six year old, so I'll probably be dead by the time he graduates college:)
Seriously, though - it seems to be very common this time of year. Don't despair. If you find the solution that works for you - please share it with all of us.
-Deb
First of all, Kalisa, i hate that you're feeling crapy. I wish i had a bucket full of money. I'd take us on a road trip just to shake things up a bit.
That's pretty much my answer to dulldrums...shakin' it up a bit.
But ladies, i don't have kids and i don't have a 9-5 job so that's easy for me to say. I kind of live my life 'shakin' it up'. To most folks i'd appear completely out of balance. I stay up all night if i need to, eat when i'm hungry. Can't remember to buy toilet paper until i'm sittin' there thinkin'...oh crap! Do i make myself crazy...yes. But, i try to go with the craziness. It works for me.
And by the way, i think those people that 'have it all figured out' are usually really boring. (no offense to anyones mom)
Make candied apples- and eat every damn one of them. I just brush the hell out of my teeth afterwards.
You are so...right about the clothes this fall. What is up? I need a navy blazer. One that doesn't look like Grandma's. Simple, huh? No, apparently "navy" is not in. What...after I finally found a pair of comfortable navy heels?!!!!
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