Something for Everyone

This is a video of some friends of mine, and by some friends of mine, created for the local "Your Memphis" campaign. It's really, really good. It almost makes my city seem appealing.

The Friday After Thanksgiving is the Best Day of the Year

Our Thanksgiving was low key - just the way I like it. As I've mentioned in years past, I don't cook a turkey. We get a hickory-smoked turkey from Corky's every year, and I just make the sides. This year, we were pretty disappointed in the turkey though. I think next year I may - MAY - try to cook a turkey. Something I've managed to avoid for 42 years. (43 by then.)

Elijah, Big Daddy & his mom played Scrabble, proud sponsor of all Hyman Family Gatherings. My MIL started the game with the amazing 74-point word "TROUBLE" (double word for building on the star, +50 points for a Bingo), but it all went downhill for her from there. Let's just say that when the game ended, she still had five 'I's' on her tile stand. Elijah ended up winning, for the first time ever. I guess the torch has officially been passed. He came back from behind with an amazing "QUIZ" on his second-to-last turn.

Today, I'm enjoying the day off work and trying to figure out where we should put up our Christmas tree. I'm afraid if we don't do it now, it will never get done. Weekends are just too short.

Scroll-down HELL

Last night on Rachel Maddow, she tried to put the extent of this Wall Street bailout into perspective. According to Barry Ritzholtz, in his book Bailout Nation, the $4.3 TRILLION we've spent on this financial crisis is more than all of the following (adjusted for inflation):

The Marshall Plan

+ The Louisiana Purchase

+ The Race to the Moon

+ The Savings and Loan Crisis

+ The Korean War

+ The Whole New Deal

+ The Iraq War

+ The Vietnam War

+ The Lifetime Budget of NASA

COMBINED.

Yes. Adjusted for inflation and combined. Just so you know what kind of mess we're in.

Moov - E's

I can't even remember the last movie I saw. I mean, we watched JFK a week or so ago, because Elijah & Big Daddy went to see 'W' and when they came home, Elijah wanted to know if it was all true. I tried to explain to him about Oliver Stone movies and then figured the best way was just to show him 'JFK.' (He got bored of it about half-way through and went back upstairs to play Xbox. He didn't even get to see Arlen Specter's Magic Bullet Theory.)

But this weekend, I've watched TWO movies. Whoa, dream big. I watched Boy A and Wall-E. Huh. I'm sensing a pattern here.

Boy A is a British film that was highly acclaimed and won 7 BAFTAs. It's the story of 24-year-old Jack, who's just been released from jail for a murder he committed as a child (tried and sentenced with his friend and co-conspirator as Boy A and Boy B, to protect the identity of the minors). It's the story of second chances, as he tries to rebuild his life with a new name and new identity. When it all unravels, the movie comes to a very powerful ending. I highly recommend this movie. Excellent acting. Although, as with many UK movies, you may want to turn on the English subtitles to make sure you understand all the dialog.

Wall-E I can't recommend so highly. I kinda prefer movies with scripts, and the entire screenplay of this movie went like this: "Wall-E!" "Eeee-va!" Also, while I agree that this movie has a very important environmental message, I don't really appreciate being slapped in the face, knocked over the head, then tied up and force-fed that message. It was a little much, really. Although I'm sure it's a great movie for kids, who 1) don't really need any narrative or dialog to follow a plot (see also: Cartoons: Tom & Jerry; Roadrunner.) and 2) aren't necessarily susceptible to subtlety in messaging.

Grades:
Boy A ~ A
Wall-E ~ C+

Dateline: Memphis

Do you ever wonder who it was at Graceland that okayed the use of "Viva Las Vegas" for the viagra commercials? I'm thinking that if it was Lisa Marie, she's just a money-grubbing bitch. But if it was Priscilla, it's possible the "Elvis the Pelvis" moniker was meant to be ironic.

It's a much better list than the Lincoln-Kennedy coincidences.

Disclaimer #1: I am not a conspiracy theorist.

But my hair dresser is. And the last time I was in there (right before the election), he was throwing around some pretty crazy ideas. He said, "You watch. He'll be killed, and they'll blame it on the racists. But it will be the war profiteers. They'll kill him because he wants to pull the U.S. out of Iraq." Which of course, I shrugged off with a, "Yeah, it could happen. I guess. Come check my color."

Disclaimer #2: I know Oliver Stone's movies are fiction. I KNOW that.

But watch the scene from JFK where "X" (Donald Sutherland) fills in New Orleans DA & Conspiracy Theorist Jim Garrison (Kevin Costner) on all the black ops, on how the Secret Service basically stood down that day in Dallas, about asking yourself who would've profited and who could've covered it up.

And Jim Garrison says, to himself mostly, "They killed him because he wanted change. In our time. In our country."

And that might send a few chills up your spine.

Because let's just look at the similarities:

Young, with young families, and beautiful, stylish wives
Idealistic, focused on bringing big changes to Washington & to the country
First Catholic/first African-American president, which was appreciated by some, resented by others
Democrat, typically not viewed as not big defense spenders
Inherited an unpopular war and were/ are committed to pulling us out of it
Loved by many, hated by others, mainly in the South
Seen by opponents as soft on Communists/ soft of terrorists

Let's understand that I'm not making predictions about how or when Obama's term as president might end. Heaven knows I pray every day for the safety of our new first family. (Yes, Annelle, I pray. Just don't expect me to come to one of your tent revivals. They'd probably make me eat a live chicken.) It's just...the time we're in feels so...familiar.

Without a doubt there are plenty of crazy-ass white supremacists and dumb-ass rednecks who I'm sure would take great pride in being the one to pop a shot at the "black president." God help the Secret Service, I hope they're ready for all the crazies that are going to come out of the woodwork come January. All I'm saying is, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. And also that I hope I don't end up on any secret FBI lists for writing this post.

The crazy liberal activist strikes again

Simultaneous protests today at 12:30 CT against the passing of Prop 8 in California.

I know, some of you say, "You don't even live in California. And you're not gay." And I have a TON of arguments to that, but I'll have to give them to you later b/c right now I have to get downtown. Suffice it to say, I live in a society where we stand up for what we believe, and I believe what happened in CA was wrong.

(Man, I had a lot of trouble with 8's and that big fat marker. Which is kind of symbolic, really. It illustrates the trouble I have with Prop 8.)

Elijah is scared to death I'm going to end up on the news. He was never embarrassed that I was on the news protesting the war, or Pres. Bush. But this one has him concerned. I obviously still have a lot of work left to do on him.


As I was leaving, I told him, "Make sure you answer your phone if I call. I might be calling from jail."

He didn't think that was funny at all.

People I have a crush on (in no particular order)

1. Jon Stewart
2. Harry Connick Jr.
3. Kate Winslet
4. Jesse L. Martin
5. Craig Ferguson
6. Rachel Maddow
7. James McAvoy
8. Helen Mirren
9. Bradley Whitford

Veteran's Day in Memphis

A little bit ago I kept hearing ALL THESE KIDS on the city street below my office window. They must've been on the sidewalk on my side of the street though, because I could hear them but I couldn't see them. It was like having an office above a playground.

The sirens didn't really alert me to anything, because I'm used to hearing firetrucks run up and down the street below my window.

When the band started playing I realized THERE WAS ABOUT TO BE A PARADE!

So some of the other girls in my office & I went down to the sidewalk to watch it. (We couldn't really watch it from our windows, because my building has a GIANT FLAG covering the whole front of it. I guess we could have watched from upstairs, but you can only see through it if you keep moving our head around.)

The Veteran's Day parade basically consisted of every single Jr. ROTC group in the Mid-South area.

No seriously. Every single one.

Also, several high school and middle school bands. And a few vans with what I can only assume were veterans inside waving to us. Like, "Let's load up these vets in the van and drive them down 2nd Street for the parade." And beauty queens. I was especially concerned for the ones who did not have convertibles or sunroofs to ride on.

I was afraid one would fall out and crack open her skull.

Conversation in my house after work today

Big Daddy:
I bought myself a birthday present today.

Me:
You did? What'd you get yourself?

Big Daddy:
A 73-inch TV.

Me:
What? How big is this one? [indicates TV in Big Daddy's office]

Big Daddy:
56-inch.

Me:
*blink blink*

Big Daddy:
But look, it's not like I went shopping for a new TV.

Me:
*blink blink*

Big Daddy:
I went in to buy a contract-free phone. Because mine sucks.

Me:
*blink*

Big Daddy:
And, you know, I just wandered around looking at the big screen TVs like I always do.

Me:
...

Big Daddy:
This salesguy said, "Can I show you a TV today?" so I said, "Show me the biggest thing you got." You know, I was just fucking with him.

Me:
...

Big Daddy:
[pulls out paperwork] So THIS is how much it was. And THIS is the offer he made me. And THIS is how much I ended up getting it for!! That's the same thing I paid for the 56-inch I have now!!

Me:
I think I'm due a second pair of shoes.

Just because the election's over doesn't mean I'm through spewing my liberal ire

You know what I don't understand about conservative christians? (Among other things.) I don't understand why other people's sin of should be of such concern to them.

The whole notion that gays shouldn't marry because it's a sin is complete bullshit. Why would anyone give a flying rats ass about someone else's sin? It just doesn't make any damn sense.

The argument to ban gay marriage is full of contradictions:

"Gay marriage destroys the sanctity of marriage."
Completely ignoring the whole counterargument of "sacred marriages" like Pam Anderson's, I ask this: If the govt is going to legislate the *sanctity* of marriage, shouldn't divorce be outlawed then? And pre-marital sex? And living in sin? Also, women having children by more than one man?


"Marriage was created by God, not government."
Oh really? Then why is the govt legislating who can and can not marry?


"Marriage is meant to be between one man, one woman."
I find it ESPECIALLY ironic that the Mormon church initiated such a huge campaign supporting Proposition 8 in California. Because if there's one institution that illustrates the marriage-between-one-man-one-woman philosophy IT'S GOT TO BE THE MORMON CHURCH. Oh, wait a minute...aren't ya'll the ones that FOUNDED YOUR OWN STATE SO THAT YOU COULD CREATE YOUR OWN SPECIAL VERSION OF MARRIAGE. Yeah, STFU then. You get no voice in this.

"They get civil unions. Same thing."
Uhh, no. If it were the same thing, it would be called MARRIAGE. And how come when heteros get hitched by a Justice of the Peace, it's called a "marriage" and not a "civil union"? Civil Union is a separate-but-equal substitute. And I'm pretty sure the Supreme Court has already ruled that unconstitutional.

"Civil Unions/Marriages - the label doesn't matter as long as they're getting the same legal rights."
And separate drinking fountains don't matter as long as the water's coming from the same water pipe.

"The people have spoken."
The people also thought that it was okay to own slaves and that women shouldn't have the right to vote. Since when does the voice of the people = right?

"This is a moral issue."
To which I say again: You can't legislate morality. Murder and rape aren't crimes because they're immoral; they're crimes because they cause harm to others. No one has yet been able to convince me how a marriage can be harmful to someone outside the two that are in it. I can almost understand a conservative's arguement against abortion - I don't agree with it, but if you do in fact believe that that microscopic blob of multiplying cells is a person, then I can see where you would think aborting it is wrong. But same-sex marriage simply does not fall into that category no matter how hard you try to squeeze it.

"If gays were meant to marry, they'd be able to have children."
So only people who choose to procreate should be allowed to marry? The two are not mutually exclusive. One doesn't preclude the other. What about people who choose not to have children? What about a woman who lost her ovaries to cancer and can't have children? She shouldn't be allowed to marry?

People of California, I have one question for you: What part of EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ALL PEOPLE do you not understand?

Everyone needs one friend like John

So my friend John who's somehow distantly related to William Faulkner and oh emm gee he won't ever let you forget it, is actually very well read and has become my go-to guy for literary crossword puzzle clues. (I also have a very reliable baseball fan named Joe that I use as a reference.) Because asking someone is totally not cheating. Not like googling would be. And here's why: because their answer could be wrong. See?

On Tuesday there was a Dickens reference in the USA Today puzzle so I messaged him to see if he knew it. I just like testing him. But then today there was another Dickens clue, this time in the New York Times puzzle.

Me: OMG there’s ANOTHER Dickens clue today – this one in NYT.

Me: 3-letter word for *dickens moniker* BOZ. WTF?

JM: His second middle name was Boz. First was Culliford. Think I’m googling, bitch?

Me: YES.

JM: Too quick for google. I’m dressing the kid so eff-off, birthday girl.

Me: Dickens’ middle name is Boz? Never heard of such.

JM: Yes. Google it. I’m positive. Charles Culliford Boz Dickens. Like Skaggs. Seriously.

Me: “like Skaggs.” Now there’s a reference I can relate to.

JM: I am young and brilliant. Accept it. Breathe in, then out and let it go.

JM: Check this. I dropped out of high school at 15. Just like wm. f.

Me: Jesus Christ, can you ever have a conversation w/out bringing up faulkner?

JM: [My wife] says I can’t. Or about being Catholic. She says everyone knows those two things in the second minute of meeting me regardless of who they are.

JM: I’m adopted tho. Ain’t got no blood.

Me: Wait wha…?

Me: So you’re not actually related to faulkner at all. You’re a fucking liar.

JM: So blood is relation? Not nurturance? I was adopted the day I was born. Bigot.

Me: My brother was adopted. I’m not a bigot. Some of my best friends are black.

JM: HAHA! That was good.

Me: I’m glad you get me.

JM: Not too hard. Like a piece of blank paper…nothing to get.

Me: Man, you’re a bitch.

JM: And you a bastard.

Me: I'm posting this conversation on my blog.

JM: Post it, bitch.

BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVAAAAHHHH!!!

Oh, thank you, America! IT'S JUST WHAT I WANTED!!!

(Much better than what I got in 2004.)

I was stuck at work last night, listening to CNN TV audio live online, and hitting the refresh button on the CNN.com map like a mouse with heroin addiction. When I left work about 8:30, Obama was up by some 100 electoral votes and I was feeling downright giddy.

When I got home, I flipped on CNN, pulled out the laptop and started explaining things like a 60-seat, filibuster-proof senate to Elijah. I was reading and writing comments on facebook, twitter - an active part of what will be the election campaign that harnessed the power of the internet and social media.

Announcing it at 10 p.m. central time, at the close of the California polls, was just the climactic ending I'd hoped for. YES. WE. DID.

I didn't cry until the end of his speech. Big Daddy asked me, "Does that make you proud to be a Democrat?" I said, "It does. It makes me proud to be an American."

Because I get where Michelle was coming from when she said she was proud of her country for the first time in her life. I get that now. Because this? This emotion inside of me? I've never felt that before.

Because I didn't vote for Obama because he's black. I voted for him because I believed he is the best answer for our country. The fact of his skin color is neither here nor there. I recognize the historic significance of it, but I'm proud that the majority of our country - and especially the majority of young people in our country - voted their hearts without regard to eyeing race. That gives me hope for the future of our country.

I'm anxious to see how the rest of the world begins to view the U.S. now. After all the damage that GWB has done to our reputation internationally, I hope the rest of the world is looking at us this morning going, "Yeah, maybe America is smart afterall. Maybe they have a plan."

Vote Tuesday! It's one day only! Like a Macy's sale.

My 8th birthday fell on Election Day. It wasn't a presidential election, but since we lived in D.C., I imagine it was still a pretty big deal. To someone.

I remember that Monday night, Nov. 4, standing outside on the front steps of our house. It was dark out (post-daylight savings time, yo) and my dad was out there with me. I said to him, "Oh Daddyyy!!!! I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW!!" And he chuckled and said, "You know, honey, there's an awful lot of grown men who feel exactly the same way. "

Occasionally my birthday still falls on Election Day - in 1996, it was actually on the presidential election. This year, it's Wednesday. But I have officially reached the point where I am more excited about the election results than I am about my birthday. Long overdue, I imagine.

Oh Daddy, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW!

Not to be confused with that 70s show "The Greatest American HERO"

I was talking to this friend John online this weekend. He lives in the SF Bay area, but is originally from Mississippi. He married a good friend of ours. Well, Big Daddy's ex-girlfriend, actually. But we like her. We like her whole family. We're kind of incestuous like that here in the south.

So John happened to mention in passing that he was a descendant of William Faulkner. Which actually kind of made my skin crawl just a little bit. Because I KNOW I'm a southerner and I KNOW I'm a writer but man alive, I hate trying to read Faulkner. They made me read The Sound & The Fury in college and it was painfully difficult. John said I was a "lazy reader" in college then. Heh. I told him I prefer Tennessee Williams and he was all HE'S JUST A PLAYWRIGHT FOR CRISSAKES! YOU CALL YOURSELF A WRITER?? And he said that Faulkner is the greatest American writer ("so far") and he challenged me to read "As I Lay Dying" and then he begged and pleaded with me to read it and I thought, "Well, we'll see if they have it at the local library." Because I'm sure the hell not BUYING any Faulkner, which hey...maybe that's why he's pushing me. MAYBE JOHN GETS RESIDUALS!!

So then I started thinking about who I believe is the Greatest American Writer. The truth is, I haven't actually been reading much fiction lately. I love To Kill a Mockingbird, but did Harper Lee ever write anything else? I don't even know. The Great Gatsby is one of my favorites, but I've not read anything else of Fitzgerald's that I've liked. I mean, I'm sure it was great during the Jazz Age and all, but as far as I'm concerned, Gatsby was just kind of a fluke. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter bored me to tears. I never even finished that.

I guess there are certain criteria for being titled the Greatest American Writer. Talent, obviously. Longevity. Influence. Commercial success? Not so much I guess.

Who do you consider the Greatest American Writer? And if you say Candace Bushnell, you are no longer welcome here.