Overheard at the Pool

Dad, in pool with 3-year-old daughter: "...So that's why you're wearing floaties."

Daughter: "So I don't sink?"

Dad: "Exactly. So you don't sink. And so you don't die."

Daughter: "I never die."

Dooce may have made it famous, but I GO THERE EVERY YEAR.

How Big Daddy packs for a 10-Day beach vacation:

1. Open top drawer.
2. Pull out top 5 t-shirts.
3. Toss them into a duffel bag.
4. Close drawer.
5. Open middle drawer.
6. Pull out top 5 t-shirts.
7. Toss them into a duffel bag.
8. Close drawer.
9. Open bottom drawer.
10. Take out 2 pairs of shorts.
11. Toss them into duffel bag.
12. Throw in some socks & underwear.
13. Add toothbrush.
14. Zip up duffel bag.
15. Insist we leave by 5 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Now my packing is traditionally much more pain-staking. So this year, I decided it was time to SIMPLIFY. It's a vacation after all. It's meant to be relaxing! So here's the complete list of what I'm taking:

1. Swimsuit
2. Cover up
3. Sun Dresses (10)
4. Flip flops (3 pairs)
5. Underwear (10 pairs)
6. THE END.

People I Wish Hadn't Gone Away Quite So Soon

1. My Dad
2. My SIL Ellen
   
3. Peter Boyle
4. River Phoenix
5. JFK Jr.
6. Freddie Mercury
7. Michael Landon
   
8. Jerry Orbach
9. John Ritter
10. Princess Diana
11. George Carlin
12. Tim Russert
13. Teresa Johnson, LBHS Class of 1984
14. Luciano Pavarotti
    

A Short List of People (& Whales) That I Wish Would Just GO AWAY

1. Everyone on that "Hills" show, but most especially that couple who think they're a real life Barbie & Ken. I would like to rip their heads off and leave them under the bed to collect dust. Forever.
2. Paris Hilton
3. Tia Tequila (and all the other girls like her who have aspirations to be Paris when they grow up.)
   
4. Anyone who's ever been on, or even associated with, that Flava of Love show
5. Or any of its spin-offs
   
6. Or that Rock of Love show
   
7. The entire Hogan family
8. Anyone in the Lohan family who is not named 'Lindsey.' (She can stay around because I find her to be mildly entertaining.)
9. Denise Richards (You know what's complicated, Denise? Quantum physics is complicated. You're life? Just a series of bad choices.)
10. Ryan Seacrest (who I'm afraid is going to be around as long as Dick Clark, producing a never-ending stream of obnoxious celeb-reality shows)
    
11. Don Imus
12. Perez Hilton
    
13. Mariah Carey (Not only do I want her to go away, but I want to forget that she ever even existed.)
14. The whole Spears clan. (They don't have to go far. They're more than welcome to go back to Louisiana. Just as long as they promise to stay there and never come out.)
15. Paula Abdul
16. The Twitter Fail Whale

I heard the news today - oh boy!

Don't you hate those bloggers who say: "I have great news! The most exciting news ever in the history of the world! The best thing that ever happened to someone has happened to me! But I can't tell you about it yet."

Not that I'm averse to blog teases. No, what I find so appalling about these proclamations is that their exciting news is always that they've been asked to be the key note speaker at BlogHer! Or have inked a multi-book deal with a million dollar advance! Or sold a movie script to Jud Apatow! Or been asked to be the lead Obama speech writer!

Nobody's news is ever: Hey! I got a job offer. For a regular old desk job in my chosen field.

Anyway. Sad news about George Carlin, no? Man, 'Class Clown' was iconic. The cock crowed three times! Ha ha ha! It's right there in the Bible!

Losing my Mojo

Today we had a big event at the office. Here is a list of things I forgot:

1. My lunch at home
   
2. My little phone case thingy to carry it on my waistband also at home
   
3. To comb my hair after driving in with the top down
   
4. My file for the event in the car
   
5. My book for tonight's meeting in the other car. At home.
   
6. My head if it wasn't screwed on tight.
   

24/7

(via skirt!)

My family:
We're like the cool kids in class.

My passions:
running, singing in church, blogging

My favorite possession:
My lap top. Not that it's all that great, but I definitely can't live without it.

I’m thinking about:
our upcoming beach vacation

actual view from our hotel

Words I live by:
"As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

I am most proud of:
I try not to be proud. I try to be GRATEFUL. 'Proud' insinuates I had anything at all to do with it.

What are you most vain about?
That my clothes accurately portray my character. In the sense of the role I am playing at that particular moment.

Working Girl

Summer in the City

Beach Comber




What keeps me awake at night:
All these great blog post ideas that I can't remember in the daylight.

My first job:
Babysitting. For 25 cents an hour.

One thing I never want to do again:
Give birth without drugs.

If I could be totally wild, I would:
Take up some crazy career as a form of method writing ala Diablo Cody.

I am guilty of:
Gossip-girling.

Right now I’m reading:
A Confederacy of Dunces (Re-reading)

The one item that has changed my life:
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

The nickname I wish I had:
Sassy McSmartypants

If I could do it all over again:
I would publish the soundtrack.

My favorite body part:
My Brain.

My best friend says I am:
Blessed.

I still can’t get the hang of:
Humility.

I wish I’d known:
That confidence can often times make up for lack of ability.

I’d like to learn to:
design my own web site.

My mother always said:
"I can't tell if you have a hangnail or a broken arm; you cry the same either way."

Drama Queen

<>

We'll Miss You, Tim Russert

You were one of the good ones.

These are the kinds of things my mind thinks about when I'm having trouble sleeping.

If my life's story were a movie, it would definitely be a drama. Lots of Drama Queen moments here. And as such, I think the role of me would be played by

Kate Winslet. Not so much for the resemblance, as her capability for dramatic characterization.

Big Daddy would be

Robert Downey Jr., for his tough-on-the-outside, vulnerable-little-boy-inside persona.

My mom would be

Sally Field. Duh. Best mom ever. Also, there's a resemblance.

Dad:

Sam Waterston. Although he'd have to break out of his Jack McCoy role and crack a few jokes now and then.

My brother & sister are easy, because there are actors who have always reminded me of them:

Joshua Morrow ('Nicholas' from Young & the Restless)

And Molly Ringwald (but in a blond wig)

Friends would include:

Anne Hathaway as shy and smart Daisey

Lauren Graham as fun and fearless Shelley

And Kate Hudson, as pretty and bubbly Susan, with a heart big enough to save the world.

My Kid is the hardest to cast, because there just aren't very many 15-year-old actors who aren't in High School Musical. So here are some actors who, with their mounds of curls and bright smiles, could've played My Kid back in the day:

Adam Brody(I'm thinking he could still maybe pull off 15. No?)

Christopher Atkins (OMG, do you know how hard it is to find a photo of him where he's not 1) groping an adolescent Brooke Shields or 2) wearing that diaper that served as his entire "Blue Lagoon" wardrobe??)

Ian Ziering (circa 90210, not DWTS)

Who would play in a movie of your life?

Anonymity No More

I don't have a problem with commenters who disagree with me. I don't even care about nasty commenters b/c I always have the DELETE button. But I am removing the ability to make anonymous comments here. I figure you if you're going to harass me you ought to at least take the time to make up a name and fake email address.

(PS - Google accounts are free.)

Recent conversation in my kitchen

Big Daddy: Did you make him a music CD?

Me: No. Why?

BD: IDK. He's listening to Phil Collins or something.

Me: And you think that if I DID make him a music CD, I would put PHIL COLLINS on it? Geez. WTF kind of mom do you think I am???

Thank God the Tigers lost that Championship game

Because there's NO WAY I ever want to see a "Bush" Tiger jersey in this lifetime.

Nucking Futs

When I went to the theater with Big Daddy to see Iron Man, I twittered "I can't believe the movie theater STOPPED CARRYING JORDAN ALMONDS. That sux." You know, because if you can't get Jordan Almonds at the movie theater, where the hell ya gonna get em? Right??

And the twitter post went up over there -----------> on my blog. Where apparently some marketing guy for Jordan Almonds had a google search or something going, and he was instantly alerted that SOMEONE HAS BLOGGED ABOUT JORDAN ALMONDS.

Which I thought at the time was pretty savvy of him. You know, when I got the email, saying "I'm a marketing guy for Jordan Almonds and can we send you some samples to review on your blog?" I was all, "Wow. Tres savvy, marketing guy."

Then I found out that I'm like the last blogger in all of blogdom to have received free samples with pitches to review them on my blog.

(I found this out because I'm doing some work for a client, and we thought creating word-of-mouth among mommy bloggers would be beneficial. So I started researching mommy blogs and OMG these women are bitchy about getting pitches! WTF? And I mentioned it to my friend and fellow blogger Kaleigh and she said, oh yeah, that's because it was a HUUUUGE topic of conversation - and controvery - at BlogHer this year. Mommy bloggers are PISSED about all the unsolicitated form letter pitches they're receiving. And I'm all Dude! But they're getting free stuff? Send ME free stuff! I won't care how you address the email.)

So yeah. Turns out everyone's getting free stuff but me. So on the one hand, I'm excited to have FINALLY GOTTEN SOME FREE STUFF. And on the other hand, WTF took so long?

Aaaanyhoo...today my Jordan Almonds arrived.

Sorry for the extreme pinkishness of the photo. But just in case you think your eyes may deceive you, let me assure you that there is not a pastel-covered nut in the bunch.

(Also - the marketing guy? Works for Oh! Nuts apparently. Not Jordan Almonds specifically. And I feel it's important to give them their due lest I never receive anything free ever again.)

What we have here is Black & White Jordan Almonds (which look a little scary, frankly), Roasted Flavored Mix Jordan Almonds (in shades of brown) and Patriotic Jordan Almonds (which, erm...I think I understand the Dude,-you-don't-even-read-my-blog complaints from BlogHers now).

And here's what I can tell you so far:

Umm, first? They sent me THREE POUNDS of Jordan Almonds! How happy am I? I thought they were sending me one of those rectagular boxes like you get - or used to get - at the movie theater. But they sent me THREE POUNDS of Jordan Almonds! So, thanks Oh! Nuts dude. This is apparently a bulk nuts & candy store. And in looking at their web site, you can also shop for candy by the color. How creative. Also, all the nuts I received are certified circle-K kosher. If that's important to any of you.

I've only busted into the Patriotic Nuts as of yet. And I can tell you that the white ones taste just like the white ones in the traditional pastel Jordan Almonds. The blue ones taste kind of pasty and I don't really care for the red ones at all. Those are obviously going into the candy dish on my desk. The candy is fresh though and nary a cracked one among them, which makes them better than the movie store supply already.

Hey Look

Michelle wore a SATC studded belt for the historic moment.

My Pictorial Essay

via Badger

Here's what you do:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.

Here are the questions:

1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. Favorite drink?
7. Dream vacation?
8. Favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. One Word to describe you.
12. Your flickr name

Here's how mine ended up: