Libraries, Books and Writing

OK, I want to know about this secret back room at the library.

Every time I go to my local branch, I look up some books on the online catalog. Books that I find listed as "on the shelf," I go in search of. This is how you use a library, right?

And invariably, the book's not there. On the shelf.

So I go up to the Information desk. And I say, "Hi. I'm looking for this book, and the computer says it's on the shelf, only I can't find it on the shelf."

I mean, it's fiction. It's shelved alphabetically by the last name. Not like there's any complicated decimal system to contend with or anything.

And the librarian asks me the name of the book, and of course it's something completely embarrassing, like Gods in Alabama which may not be embarrassing in YOUR library but keep in mind that I live in the big silver buckle of the Bible belt.

She'll raise an eyebrow at me like I asked for a book on Wican rituals and says, "GODS in Alabama?" Yes, I confirm. GODS IN ALABAMA. Do I need to write it down? Or spell it?

She looks it up in her computer, which I'm guessing gives her some kind of secret insider information that's not available on the germ-laden public PCs.

And she says to me, "It's probably in the back." And she gets up, goes in the back and comes out with my book.

Happens every time. So I'm just wondering what this back room is exactly and WHY ARE ALL MY BOOKS BACK THERE?

This week I checked out two books that I've only read once and wanted to re-read - All Over but the Shoutin' and A Confederacy of Dunces.

I also found an Augusten Burroughs I hadn't read - Possible Side Effects. Or I don't know - maybe I did read this before. But if you're going to re-read a book because you were too drunk the first time, none better than Augusten's.

You want to know why I love Augusten Burroughs so? Because he writes sentences like this:

“And with these words – I don’t think you’re supposed to be aware of your own heartbeat – this unknown woman in a burnt orange poncho doomed me to a life of pathological overawareness of my own cardiac activity.”

That right there is just fucking brilliant writing.

In the chapter "The Wisdom Tooth," Augusten & Dennis go on vacation and stay at an inn owned by a doll collector. It is CLASSIC.

In the chapter "Locked Out" he talks about becoming a writer. And it is so powerful, I have to keep going back and peeking at it bit by bit. Like a kid who's found a porno mag.

"And it was so clear to me what I was doing. It was suddenly perfectly clear.

I understood, I need to write. Live here, in my words, and my head. I need to go inside, that's all. No big, complicated difficult thing. I just need to go in reverse.

And not worry about what to write about, but just write. Or, if I'm going to worry about what to write, then do this worrying on paper, so at least I'm writing and will have a record of the anxiety...

And as soon as I saw this life, I realized I was making it more complicated than it needed to be. I didn't need to move to a small college town [or beach house. or French countryside.]. I could just begin writing, right now. Here, in my hovel...

By the seventh day I had written a book. At least, I thought it might be a book. It contained one hundred and fifty pages and they were in order. That's more than a monkey could do.

I called it Sellevision."