LIVE BLOGGING THE RED CARPET!!

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5:16 - In the category WTF Are THEY Doing At The Oscars, are...Heidi Klum & Seal! Have either of them ever even been in a movie? Hell, I'm not sure either of them have ever even been TO the movies.
5:22 - Note to Joey Fatone and Lisa Rinna: Who the hell do you think you are...Billy Crystal? Please.
5:23 - Is that that guy from "Sweet Home Alabama"? I love him. I have no idea what his name is. Or if that's even him.
5:25 - OH GOD! GEORGE! GEORGE IS HERE!!! He looks picture perfect, as usual.

Note: I have a hate-hate relationship with pretty much everyone who does Red Carpet coverage. I've yet to see any of them live up to my own expectations of how well I could do it. Here on my cable, I have two options for coverage: Lisa Rinna & Joey Fatone on the TV Guide Channel and Ryan Seacrest over on E!. I will be flipping back and forth a bit, but given the choice between Ryan Seacrest and the Devil himself, I would have to go with Satan. So I will be leaning heavily toward the fat-lipped girl on TV Guide.

5:36 - No one's really here yet, so they're reviewing the people who have come in already: Heidi, Seal & George. Heidi does look amazing. What do you think they put up inside that bun to make her hair that full?
5:39 - sqeee! Is that Kristin Chenowith? I SO want to be her when I grow up.
5:41 - Jason Bateman? McDreamy? How do all these TV people get in? I heard Charlize Theron said that she'd be watching at home in her PJs. She said she thought only the nominees should attend. And while that would make for a rather short red carpet show, I do think that it should be limited to people IN THE MOVIES.
5:45 - heh heh. It's raining on Ryan.
5:46 - oh. Jason Bateman was in Juno. My bad. Come to think of it, I guess McDreamy was in that Disney movie, too.
5:48 - ohmygodohmygodohmygod...Kristin Chenowith is singing tonight!!
5:49 - Annie Hathaway - love her, but never care all that much for that way she looks. Wish she would get a new stylist.
5:50 - the former stripper who wrote Juno is there. Nice tat.

Note: Just in case you're wondering if I'm much of a mult-tasker, I just want ya'll to know that, in addition to live-blogging the Oscar Red Carpet, I am also cooking chili for my family's dinner AND doing laundry. In one second I'm gonna have to go take the clothes out of the dryer so bear with me...

5:59 - Amy Adams. So freaking cute.
6:00 - Lisa Rinna, every single person that walks up to you for an interview you claim to have known FOREVER. All you're really doing is making us realize HOW FREAKING OLD YOU ARE.
6:02 - John Travolta looks like his head is out-growing his hair.
6:03 - blah blah blah...who are these people?
6:04 - They asked Miley Cyrus to be a presenter, which is a pretty obvious move to bring in younger viewers, no?
6:05 - do you think Diablo is her given or her stripper name?
6:07 - Lisa makes her THIRD reference to knowing someone a long time...(George Clooney this time)
6:13 - Didn't even recognize Jennifer Garner. She kinda looks like she forgot to comb her hair.
6:14 - Daniel Day could also use a good combing.
6:14 - Mickey Rooney's still alive? Who knew. Let's hope they learned something from the SAG show and keep him away from the microphone.
6:15 - Jessica Alba arrives. I'm going to count how many times they use the p-word.
6:16 - Helen Mirren. My other love.
6:16 - I'ma tell you something: Steve Carrell is not some kind of gorgeous, but him & his wife together? Barbie and fucking Ken.
6:18 - The Rock. He's going by "Duane Johnson" tonight. Is that a new thing for him or is he trying to up his credibility factor for the Oscars?
6:24 - is that Kerri Russell? OMG great dress!
6:25 - Amy Adams has THE most beautiful hair color ever. (Ooops. Lisa has twice said something to her about her nomination...which she DOES NOT HAVE. And now she's asking Amy if SHE'S embarassed. Geez, she's as bad as Seacrest.)
6:26 - Javier Bardem has cut his hair too short. He is such a handsome man but let's face it - he has a big face. He needs long-ish hair. Not like, Dora the Explorer page boy. But long-ish.

Note: OK, so I have, in the last 30 minutes, successfully cooked and served up dinner. Be patient with me now while I empty the dishwasher and fill it up again. In between arrivals. And loads of laundry.

6:32 - Gary Bussey is here with his...attorney?
6:33 - I love Tilda Swinson as an actress but she is certainly no fashion icon.
6:33 - Cameron Diaz's hair looks like she's going to spend the afternoon at the beach.
6:35 - Laura Linney looks nice. Not spectacular, but not awful either, which she's been known to do.
6:36 - Ruby Dee looks so great. Holy shit. She's 83??? She looks FAB!!
6:37 - That American Idol girl looks 100 times better than she did last year when she won.
6:39 - I thought Marion Cotillarrd was the best dressed at SAG and she is definitely in the running for repeating that distinction tonight. Dancing with the Stars??
6:53 - has Cameron Diaz always had such an annoying voice?
6:54 - I hate Kathryn Heigel's hair. Did she cut it for a movie?
6:56 - Penelope Cruz looks really pretty. She always gets on the Best lists but I never really care for the way she looks. Can't see her dress yet but the hair & make-up is two big thumbs up.
6:58 - love the color of Cate Blancett's dress but not too sure about the neckline.
6:59 - Hal Holbrook is older than God. What is he nominated for? Lisa just cut off their interview and didn't even bother asking Dixie Carter who she was wearing.
7:01 - oh that Casey Affleck is just so darn cute, isn't he? Oh hey, his wife too! Wait...is he old enough to be married? Lisa just offered him gum. Does his breath smell?

Note: TV Guide coverage just went over. I thought that meant the show was coming on. What channel is it on? What TIME is it on? I switched over to ABC and now we got Regis covering the Red Carpet. God...will it never end?

7:06 - who is this moron interviewing Marian Cotillard? She just asked her, "Before you did this movie, did you know anything about Edith Piaf?" Bitch, SHE'S FRENCH. Of course she knew about the French songbird.
7:15 - Jennifer Garner's boobs are so smashed they may never return.
7:16 - Helen Mirren, fabulous as ever. Definitely gets my vote for top 3 Best Dressed. Fab, Dame, Fab.
7:16 - OMG DDL's wife's dress is atrocious. Sorry, Dear. She may be Worst.
7:24 - Ellen Page from Juno just gave a really smart interview. Despite the fact that the interviewer is a total dumbass.

Here's my Top 5 Best Dressed:
1. Kerri Russell
2. Marion Cotillard
3. Helen Mirren
4. Amy Adams
5. Maybe Heidi Klum or maybe Penelope Cruz, whose dress I never did get a good look at.