It still hurts, but I don't mind it so much just now.

Back spasms.

Upper back this time.

Much pain.

Can't move head, shoulders, arms.

Haven't slept in days.

Doctor visit.

Toradol shot.

Cortisone.

Flexeril.

Vicodin.

So high I'm watching Dancing w/ the Stars.

Can't really make sentences right now.

Does this mean I have to start putting MORE thought into my posts??

Imagine my surprise yesterday morning when I tuned in to Badger's web site and saw that she's awarded me a Thinking Blog Award! I was beyond flattered! And also? I had no idea there even WAS a Thinking Blog Award.

But look! It comes with its own little graphic button-thingie.

And what good is receiving an award, if they don't give you the little envelope and card with your winning name on it:

Kalisah, who has taken charge of her life in ways that few people have the courage to do. She works in PR and every time I read about her job, I have flashbacks to when I worked in public information and communications. Only her job is way cooler than mine was and she likes it a lot more than I ever liked any of my jobs. Like Angie, she is my age and reading her blog forces me to evaluate my own life and how I became the person I am. And also she is just a lot of fun and I totally wish she lived next door to me. (That link up there goes to her new blog, but she has been writing elsewhere in the blogosphere for quite some time.)

To which I say to Badger: RIGHT BACK AT'CHA, BABE.

[Editor's Note: For those of you who are brand new here, who maybe clicked on Badger's link to find out who the hell I am, my old blog, where I lived for about three years, is here]

Now I guess I'm supposed to pay it forward and name five bloggers who make me think. And here is my list:

1. Carmen, because every time I read her blog, I think, "How the hell does she do it??" This woman has six children (which makes me think I totally am not hauling my mommy-weight), one of whom has a disability, and she works part-time out of the house, and she lost like 600 pounds recently, and she has really high morals and standards to which she consistently holds her children and the world.
2. Kristine, because she's doing the teen-age child thing ahead of me, and, even though she's got a girl and I've got a boy, I learn a lot from her. Like for instance, she had a recent post about how her kid never calls her when she's out, even though Kristine's told her ten bajillion times to do that. Which is EXACTLY WHAT MY KID DOES. I thought it was just him. Not only that, but her kid's excuse is always "I forgot" which is EXACTLY WHAT MY KID ALWAYS SAYS TO ME. Reading Kristine's blog makes me think that My Kid's not so bad, it's just his age.
3. Chris, because he's so real and every Friday he makes me think, "I wonder how you pronounce 'schadenfreude'?" Some blogs you read to escape the real world. Chris makes me think about the real world, but in a hopeful way. Like, if there's people like Chris out there, maybe there's hope for us all yet.
4. Greg, because he makes me think I should always strive to be a better writer.
5. Certain bloggers (whom shall remain nameless, b/c really? do they need any more free publicity?) who are MAKING A LIVING at writing. Writing their blogs, writing magazine articles, writing books. That's totally inspiring to me. Makes me think about my future.

So that's it. If I didn't mention you, don't take it personally. I probably read you for the simple reason that 1) I like your writing; 2) I like your topics; or 3) I like your life. Besides, thinking can be overrated at the end of a long work day.

I just said it doesn't "define" me anymore. I didn't say I'd given it up completely.

This weekend is tax-free shopping in my state. Which is kind of like giving someone hangover-free drinking, or calorie-free ice cream sundaes, or cancer-free suntanning! Dude, shop all you want and don't pay any money to the government. "Here, let me ring up those $78 shoes for you...and your total is....seventy-eight dollars!" It's the coolest.

So I took My Kid to buy him some clothes. We went to Lucky Jeans store and he got two pairs of jeans, five t-shirts and one collared shirt. Oh, yeah, and I got these hot jeans that look fabulous on me! I wasn't really planning on buying anything for myself, but while My Kid was in the dressing room and Big Daddy was standing around doing mental calculations in his head as to how much we were about to run up his credit card, the sales guy said, "I have the perfect jeans for you!" Which sounds like a lame sales pitch, but I think he could tell how fashion-forward I am, what with my city shorts and off-the-shoulder top, and besides. HE WAS RIGHT. He did have the perfect jeans for me!

My Kid also got a couple more collared shirts at J. Crew.

And I got these fabu, destined-to-be-my-summer-favorite shoes in "cocoa pearl." Because 1) they will be so cute this summer with shorts, skirts, dresses, jeans, even work clothes; and 2) I just can not sing the praises of Banana's shoes enough. You know I own these and they truly are the best work shoes evah. Comfy, stylish and classy. Can't beat that combo.

What'd you do this weekend?

Awards Night

Last night was the local PR awards, called Vox, which is Latin for "voice". A project I worked on last year was up for the "best of show" award. This is the third time I've been a finalist for this, and the third time I've walked away empty handed.

Ahh, well.

I'm disappointed with where these awards have gone, though. It used to be, what separated Vox from Addies (and others) was that they were based on RESULTS. They'll give you an Addy because they found your work to be creative; they don't give a shit if it actually worked or not. You could win an Addy for making a really cool commercial that never sold the first widget. But Vox was based on results - PR is about changing behaviors and Vox awarded campaigns that accomplished what they set out to do.

Not any more, apparently. The campaign that ran away with everything last night, while, admittedly, is a pretty good campaign, isn't even completed yet! There's no way they could have results! When they gave them the big award, they played a video of the judges talking about why they chose this entry, and not a one of them mentioned results. I find it supremely disappointing.

I did manage to put on a happy face though.

Me & An, my friend from my old job.

April 3, 1968

Today I had a meeting at the Mason Temple, and while we waited for the folks we were meeting with, we stood in the room where Dr. Martin Luther King gave his final, "I Have Been to the Mountaintop" speech. It was awe-inspiring. I was just standing there, staring up at the pulpit where he stood, foreshadowing his own death and surrounded by thousands of people whose lives he had changed forever. And all these people who work in the offices there, they're all so oblivious to it after all this time. But I thought it was amazing to be standing in that very spot.

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."

Eighth Grade

So, I would have made him get his hair cut if I'd known it was picture day, but can I just say how very, very grateful I am that he got that smile with no orthodontia investment from us??

Rachael Ray's Questions for Jennifer Love Hewitt

RR's Q: How many times do you wear your jeans before washing them?
JLH's A: At least four times.
RR's A: I wipe my hands on my jeans a lot in the kitchen, so not more than twice.
My A: 3-4 times generally.

RR's Q: Cheese: Cut the mold off or throw it away?
JLH's A: I've been known to cut the mold off and eat the cheese....
RR's A: Give me cheese - moldy or not
My A: If it's hard cheese, I cut it off. If it's soft cheese, I throw it away. And if it's bleu cheese, I just eat it.

RR's Q: What's on your TiVO list?
JLH's A: The Ghost Whisperer [seriously. she said that.], Passions, Dog the Bounty Hunter
RR's A: Did she answer this? I don't remember that she did.
My A: House, The Office, Ugly Betty, Weeds, Big Love

RR's Q: Name something that you're cheap about.
JLH's A: I'm not cheap about anything. I believe if you make money, you should spend it. [yeah? Well I think that's a pretty lame answer]
My A: Well, I can tell you what I'm NOT cheap about: I'm not cheap about paper products. I despise cheap paper products that fall apart when you try to use them. Umm...there's this: I buy regular unleaded gas and not the super premium stuff. The guys on Click & Clack told me I didn't need it.

Survey SAYS....

OK, I have some questions about the new place.

Can you read the pink type? It seems to me it might be a little too light. One person remarked on my old blog that they didn't think I had comments on this one. I think maybe the words are just too light over the photo.

If you think I should change it to a slightly darker pink, can someone please give me explicit instructions on how to do that? I'm pretty nearly html illiterate.

Sometimes when you visit here, does it say that there are 0 comments on a post, but when you open up the comments window, there are actually 2? That happened to me today. I don't know what it means except maybe that my blog has a sense of humor.

James Lipton's Ten Questions

1. What is your favorite word?
Grace. I love it because it's one of those words that sounds like what it means. If I'd ever had a daughter, her name would have included "Grace."

2. What is your least favorite word?
Words that degrades certain races or genders of people completely make me cringe.

3. What turns you on?
Driving with my top down on a beautiful day

4. What turns you off?
People who feed me details when all I need is bullet points

5. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck.
(Also fucking [adj.], fuckin'-a, fucktard, and motherfucker.)

6. What sound or noise do you love?
The sound of My Kid's voice changing. It charms me.

7. What sound or noise do you hate?
The sound of turn signals in cars. Why can't they give you the option of turning off that noise? I promise I won't drive around with my turn signals on.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Teaching

9. What profession would you not like to attempt?
Sales

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
"Your dad's been waiting for you."

It's not a diet, I'm just adjusting my eating habits in order to drop a few pounds

When I quit drinking, I was pretty bloated and heavy. Bloated from the chronic dehydration I suffered; heavy from all the empty calories I was consuming nightly.

The Queen of the Fat Face. Could I look any more like my mother?
(My 39th birthday, Nov. 2005)

I figured I'd drop some of that weight with the absence of alcohol in my system. And I did, a little. Lost that puffy bloated look anyway. But I found that my eating habits were less than ideal. Some doctors say it's normal to crave sugar in sobriety b/c your body metabolizes alcohol the same way it does sugar, so it's feeling deprived. I think there's also the mental/emotion feeling of deprivation that makes you believe that you somehow deserve lots of desserts because hell, you quit drinking for pete's sake, what more do they want???

The last six months or so, I've been really, really unhappy with myself. I had to buy a new suit b/c none of the suits in my closet fit me. I've gone up an entire size in everything I wear (except shoes). And summer is coming and my body is so not swimsuit ready. I was up to 135 which I know is not huge but I'm only 5'2 so that is really too heavy for me.

I have a hard time dieting b/c there's so little food I can actually choke down. I've always said that if I could take a pill everyday that would provide all the nutrients and energy I need, I would totally do it. I'm just not a foodie. The only food I enjoy eating is the stuff that's really bad for me. Like chocolate cake, which I'm pretty sure, when teamed with a glass of milk, is the world's perfect food (except for the fact that the cake part of it is so bad for you and has absolutely no nutritional value).

Still, I'd rather control my consumption then exert the physical effort to burn off a few calories. My metabolism really isn't that bad, and I could honestly eat whatever I wanted if I worked out a couple times a week. But I just don't have the ambition or the willpower or the dedication or the time or the energy or the inclination to work out.

I'm not sure where the initiative came from to finally take some action but a couple of weeks ago I entered upon this eating plan, which I devised myself based on my needs and my palette:

BREAKFAST
Plain oatmeal w/ splenda
boiled egg
glass of orange juice
multivitamin

LUNCH
Salad made w/ mixed greens (from a bag) and a combination of one fruit (chopped apple, dried cherries, craisins) and one cheese (bleu, feta, goat, brie) and a dressing of olive oil & lemon juice.
1/2 of a Dannon Light & Fit yogurt with some natural yogurt tossed in

DINNER
Protein shake made from: No-Sugar-Added vanilla ice cream, one fresh fruit (bananas, strawberries, blueberries), one scoop of soy protein powder, splash of 1% milk

One of the problems I have with my eating is that I hurl myself into these vicious blood sugar cycles, so one of my goals was to even out the old glycemic index. I gave up my morning lattes (I KNOW!! Can you believe it?? I'm pretty sure Starbucks on Germantown Road is going to go out of business without me. At the very least, they're going to have a hard time paying their light bill this month.) I also gave up soda completely and drink only water and lime-flavored LaCroix.

Now, I know there's not much variety in this eating plan, but that's always kind of been the case with my diet. And I do occasionally add, like, meat. For instance, yesterday we had lunch at PeiWei and I had the Vietnamese Salad Rolls which had chicken, lettuce, carrots, peanuts, etc. rolled up in rice paper.

In the first two weeks on the eating plan, I lost 5 pounds, which I think is a pretty safe rate of weight loss. I didn't stick too it too well the third week b/c all of Big Daddy's family was in town and we ate a lot of bar-b-que. And I didn't stick to it too well last week when our friend Mike was here. But I have lost another pound so I'm down to about 129, which I'm pleased with. I'm not sure I feel a lot better or even much different, but maybe I'll eventually care enough about my health to start actually working out.

At least the widest part of my face is back up at my cheekbones. No, I'm not really wearing blue eyeshadow. (With family, April 2007)

Best. Kid. Evah

I don't know what I ever did to deserve him, but God sure was good to me.


My husband had to catch an 8 a.m. plane this morning. He's got yet another torturous business trip that he was completely dreading. He & I went to bed last night as soon as The Kid got home from his party, around 11.


Earlier in the week, Big Daddy & My Kid had played Scrabble. The board remained spread out on the dining room table because they're boys and as we all know, it's been scientifically proven that testes render one genetically incapable of ever putting anything away.


This morning when I got up, I saw that My Kid had left this for his dad:




If that doesn't touch your heart, I'm pretty sure your internal organs are carved from granite.

Best-Written Lines

An ongoing collection of some of my favorite lines written by some of my favorite writers.

THE ART OF WRITING IS THE HIGHEST OF THOSE PERMITTED TO MAN.
[Ralph Waldo Emerson]

"There is properly no history, only biography."
[RWE]

"Politics is brutal because it engages the most fundamental human impulses for affection, honor, power, and fame. Great principles and grand visions are ennobling, but at its best politics is an imperfect means to an altruistic end."
[Jon Meacham]

"About the only person up there I find myself happy to look at is the former Republican senator and presidential candidate Bob Dole. I've developed a soft spot for Bob Dole because he symbolizes a simpler, more innocent time in America when you could lose the presidential election and, like, not actually become president."
[Sarah Vowel]

“I didn’t say I was happy with my life. I said I was fine, as in no colds, no recent traffic accidents, no suspended prison sentences, but never mind.”
[Nick Hornby]

“…the army of wrongness rampant in the world might as well march over me.”
[Holly Golightly/ Truman Capote]

“I don’t know, but they did it. They’ve done it before and they did it tonight and they’ll do it again and when they do it – seems that only children weep.”
[Harper Lee]

“Surely the coroner’s report should read, ‘He took his own life after sober and careful contemplation of the fucking shambles it had become.”
[Nick Hornby]

“The trouble with my generation is that we all think we’re fucking geniuses. Making something isn’t good enough for us, and neither is selling something, or teaching something, or even just doing something: we have to be something. It’s our inalienable right, as citizens of the twenty-first century. If Christian Aguilera or Britney or some American Idol jerk can be something, then why can’t I? Where’s mine, huh?”
[Nick Hornby]

“The outward manifestations of an inner combustion are never very directed.”
[Nick Hornby]

“She’s right, of course. It’s not fair. Love, it turns out, is as undemocratic as money, so it accumulates around people who have plenty of it already: the sane, the healthy, the loveable.”
[Nick Hornby]

“And with these words – I don’t think you’re supposed to be aware of your own heartbeat – this unknown woman in a burnt orange poncho doomed me to a life of pathological overawareness of my own cardiac activity.”
[Augusten Burroughs]

“Now maybe I’m just ultrajudgmental, but I really feel that only two groups of people have any business collecting dolls: little girls and grown women who lost all their children in fiery car accidents.”
[Augusten Burroughs]

“I remained quiet for a moment because I could not risk opening my mouth and having, ‘Now, listen here you stupid motherfucker’ come out.”
[Augusten Burroughs]

"I don't know that war is wrong. I just know that I'm a peace queer, and I'm totally into it when people aren't fighting: in my home, at the bar where I hang out or in a field a million miles away."
[Todd Snider]

"This is the way he had often wished his marriage could always be — unexcited, companionable, a mutual tenderness touched with romance."
[Richard Yates]

"You want to play house, you got to have a job. You want to play very nice house, very sweet house, then you got to have a job you don't like."
[Richard Yates]

100 Things (Revised '10)

1. I am a product of the 80s.
2. I graduated high school in 1984.
3. You can tell people of my generation because we wear a lot more make up than the 90s kids.
4. I was big into choir in high school.
5. My school had a killer music program.
6. I never went to a prom.
7. I never had a date and in my school, you just didn't go "stag."
8. I wasn't ugly, just sort of…plain.
9. And flat-chested.
10. I was a late bloomer.
11. I was a pleasant surprise at the 20-year reunion.
12. I live in the south but I’m not always proud of it.
13. I live in the city where Martin Luther King was shot.
14. I think he was the most amazing orator ever.
15. I spent the first 11 years of my life in DC.
16. My dad made me sit and watch President Nixon's resignation speech.
17. I was 8.
18. He told me I was witnessing history.
19. My parents voted for Nixon.
20. They had no political affiliations.
21. They were definitely conservative though.
22. They were Mormon.
23. We never watched shows like Archie Bunker or Sonny & Cher.
24. We sure had a lot of Mormon Tabernacle Choir records in the house though.
25. My dad died when I was in my early 20s.
26. He was in his early 50s when I was born.
27. I have one child.
28. He never got to meet my dad.
29. I didn't plan on only having one child.
30. I just never got around to having another one.
31. He's a very cool kid.
32. Thank god.
33. He’s not a whole lot like me though.
34. He has no musical abilities.
35. He doesn't like to read.
36. And he's very, very good at math.
37. Also very tall.
38. 6'3 at age 16.
39. I believe the hardest part of being a parent is letting go.
40. Big Daddy & I have been married since May 1993.
41. We have precious little in common.
42. Except that we share a child together.
43. He’s not musical either.
44. He pretty much could care less for all the cultural things I like.
45. I compare it to being color-blind.
46. And he doesn't care much about politics.
47. He did get me hooked on basketball though.
48. Watching it, not playing it.
49. The Tigers playing in the national championship game caused us all to walk around in a drug-induced-like euphoria.
50. I've never really been into physical exertion myself.
51. I've always preferred to control what I eat than work out.
52. I find eating to be a hassle.
53. If I could just take a pill every day that would give me all the energy and nutrients I needed, I would totally do it.
54. I recently started a running program after an entire lifetime of avoiding anything even resembling exercise.
55. Seriously. I never even took a PE class.
56. I'm actually kinda loving it too, although my joints? Not so much.
57. I care about issues that affect women.
58. And children.
59. And fairness to all peoples.
60. I think being a liberal is a good thing.
61. “Liberal” to me is equivalent to “open-minded.”
62. I don't care much for the republican point of view.
63. And extremely religious people kind of scare me.
64. I live in the suburbs so there are a lot of both around here.
65. There’s pretty much a church on every corner in Memphis.
66. I don’t attend any of them.
67. I consider myself "spiritual" more than "religious."
68. I just don't think I need an organized church in order to have a relationship with the God of my understanding.
69. I only watch two reality shows.
70. Amazing Race and Project Runway.
71. For the last 15 years, I've worked in public relations.
72. When people ask me what I do, I like to tell them "I work in PR" so that they get all confused and think I'm in radio.
73. (If you don't understand that last one, try reading it aloud.)
74. (If you still don't get it, you really should tune into public radio occasionally.)
75. I changed my major a lot in college.
76. I was 30 when I finally graduated with a degree in PR.
77. I do really good on "Jeopardy!" because I know something about just about everything.
78. I do at least two crossword puzzles every day.
79. One of them is always the New York Times.
80. I love everything about the NYT.
81. I could blow hours every day reading it cover to cover.
82. I'm in AA.
83. My sobriety date is January 17, 2006.
84. I highly recommend it if you want to quit drinking.
85. I truly believe if you've ever tried to control your drinking, that you're probably an alcoholic.
86. Turns out normal people don't have to try & control their drinking.
87. When I get bored, I change my hair color.
88. I love the show "House" and have a wicked crush on Hugh Laurie.
89. Also on Jon Stewart.
90. And Jesse L. Martin.
91. And Harry Connick Jr. is my pretend husband.
92. I have no patience for people who feed me details when all I need is bullet points.
93. Favorite vacation spot: the beach.
94. I hope to see a lot more of Europe in this lifetime.
95. I think Freddie Mercury was a musical genius.
96. Andrew Lloyd Webber, too.
97. I love, love, love a good musical.
98. I can't understand why, with 12 hundred TV channels, there's not a 24-hour musical channel.
99. I have a penchant for typing in caps, an aversion to full sentences and a tendency toward TMI.
100. Don't let it throw you. You'll grow to love me for it.