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Man, have I been feeling The Depression lately. I don't know what it is - usually it doesn't come down on me this hard until much closer to the holidays. I'm thinking part of it may be My Kid starting high school and becoming so grown up (dude, he's wearing cologne now) and self-reliant and not really needing me so much anymore. (Except for clean clothes.) (And rides. Lots of rides.) But it's like I don't really identify myself as someone's MOM anymore. Which leaves what? Whoa, a big old void, that's what.
And I start to wonder the purpose of my life. And it seems like other than my job (and the laundry), there isn't really a reason to get out of bed. Which then leads to me spending an entire three-day weekend in bed.
So here's my action plan for fighting The Depression:
1. Try church. I would imagine a lot of people turn to religion to help them discover their purpose. My most immediate issue with church is that I don't believe that there is one true religion. I believe in a God, or some sort of Spirit of the Universe. I don't think God is a man, so I don't see how there could be just one image or one version or even just one God. All of which makes it a little difficult to find a church, right? So I called another working mom, who is a local blogger that I've been meaning to meet up with ever since I found out that we both work downtown, and we met for coffee the other night after work. I reached out to her for two reasons: a) she writes on her blog about being a Unitarian Universalist [I hope I'm saying that right] and b) she seems really in touch with her own purpose in life.
(Sidebar here about Kaleigh:
I expected her to be tall and imposing; I don't know why. She's actually petite and very sweet. "Sweet" is something that people from the South say a lot - "Oh, I love her! She's so SWEET!" I really don't say it often but I say it to describe Kaleigh because she truly is very sweet. She has this soft, sweet, almost child-like voice. It was really fun meeting her. Also? She's very smart and so grounded and we have very similar political persuasions.)
So I don't really know what to say yet about the UU church except that I'm pretty sure they believe in something. I'm just not sure what yet. Love and fairness and kindness to all peoples, I guess. Which is right up my alley. So I think I'm going to visit this Sunday. Which leads to Part Deux of The Plan:
2. Have something to get up for every day. I've got work Monday through Friday and now I'll try church on Sunday which just leaves Saturday. My old homegroup has a really good book study meeting at 8 a.m. Saturdays so I'm going to start going back to that. If I'm tired from getting up early, I can take a nap later, but it's important that I get my ass up in the mornings.
3. Start SOME SORT of exercise routine. This is always high on the list of recommendations for people fighting The Depression. Endorphins and all that. I've been talking about this since Florida so I finally reached out to the nearby Curves. I'm hoping it's not god-awful expensive, because I seriously think it's the only sort of exercise routine I can deal with. And stick to. And not hate with the burning fires of hell. I also want to get back into yoga which was so, so good for my back when I was doing it regularly and also for the relaxation and meditation part of it.
End of plan. Well, one more thing. I'm going to talk to my doctor about my medication b/c several months back he switched me over to the generic version and I'm not sure it's working out so well for me, although I'm also not sure it would take this long to become apparent either. So I'm going to talk to him and see what he thinks. After my disastrous experiment with generic birth control pills this year, I've pretty much decided to never ever use generic medications again, insurance company be damned.
4 comments:
Okay, so you could even join my gym and we could work out after work and be all downtown and yeah. I'd better shut up now so I don't seem creepy.
And damnit, I should've worn heels. I never can pull off the tall and imposing thing.
I used to belong to a UU church and I do think it would be a good place to start. If there's more than one in your area, visit them all until you find a good fit. And if it turns out not to be for you (which it wasn't for me), it WILL give you a lot of food for thought and some spiritual tools to continue your journey, as it were.
I have a feeling that when it gets empty-nesty around here, I am going to end up cooking/baking a lot. And with no kids around to eat it, DH and I will each gain 100 pounds. Ugh.
And on a completely superficial note, I love the new haircut! So cute!
Other mode for fighting depression is to occupy your time with things for just yourself: ie., hobbies, yes exercise is good too. Perhaps this is the time to get back into playing the piano; music is a wonderful outlet. Or take a continuing ed class at a local college or thru your town's rec dept (I have done such crazyness as stained glass, etched glass, weaving, and others I cant remember). GO take a fun cooking class. Something just for YOU. No work, No Kid, No hubby. It probably seems strange, but I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I don't know how I'd stay sane if I didn't have 16 different sewing projects going on, and I do have all of the "Needs" of young children!
Your determination to get through the current doldrums gladdens and inspires me, Kalisah!
You’re not the only one who’s spiritually seeking these days … I’m sure it will work out for both of us, although it will likely be more of a journey than an arrival. The other day I heard an interview with an amazingly spiritual man named Bo Lozoff. I can’t tell you how intriguing this radio program was, but if you have iTunes, you can find the Sept. 4th podcast under “CBC Radio: Tapestry”. I think you’d like it.
Exercise will be good for you too. I’m just trying to get back into a regular gym routine after a crazy summer. I hope it will help me feel more energetic.
Two other suggestions, which you can take or leave: meditation and more volunteer work. Sometimes helping someone or something else will give you a sense of purpose that nothing else will. And meditation may help you find some more inner peace. I do lots of (too much?) volunteer work, but I need to work on the meditation. I think it would really help me as well.
Anyway, none of these comments is really meant to tell you what to do as much as I am cheering you on in your own path while feeling not so far from it myself. You are such a smart, talented, and determined person that I know you will get through this.
With love and positive thoughts,
Cynthia
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