It's not a diet, I'm just adjusting my eating habits in order to drop a few pounds

When I quit drinking, I was pretty bloated and heavy. Bloated from the chronic dehydration I suffered; heavy from all the empty calories I was consuming nightly.

The Queen of the Fat Face. Could I look any more like my mother?
(My 39th birthday, Nov. 2005)

I figured I'd drop some of that weight with the absence of alcohol in my system. And I did, a little. Lost that puffy bloated look anyway. But I found that my eating habits were less than ideal. Some doctors say it's normal to crave sugar in sobriety b/c your body metabolizes alcohol the same way it does sugar, so it's feeling deprived. I think there's also the mental/emotion feeling of deprivation that makes you believe that you somehow deserve lots of desserts because hell, you quit drinking for pete's sake, what more do they want???

The last six months or so, I've been really, really unhappy with myself. I had to buy a new suit b/c none of the suits in my closet fit me. I've gone up an entire size in everything I wear (except shoes). And summer is coming and my body is so not swimsuit ready. I was up to 135 which I know is not huge but I'm only 5'2 so that is really too heavy for me.

I have a hard time dieting b/c there's so little food I can actually choke down. I've always said that if I could take a pill everyday that would provide all the nutrients and energy I need, I would totally do it. I'm just not a foodie. The only food I enjoy eating is the stuff that's really bad for me. Like chocolate cake, which I'm pretty sure, when teamed with a glass of milk, is the world's perfect food (except for the fact that the cake part of it is so bad for you and has absolutely no nutritional value).

Still, I'd rather control my consumption then exert the physical effort to burn off a few calories. My metabolism really isn't that bad, and I could honestly eat whatever I wanted if I worked out a couple times a week. But I just don't have the ambition or the willpower or the dedication or the time or the energy or the inclination to work out.

I'm not sure where the initiative came from to finally take some action but a couple of weeks ago I entered upon this eating plan, which I devised myself based on my needs and my palette:

BREAKFAST
Plain oatmeal w/ splenda
boiled egg
glass of orange juice
multivitamin

LUNCH
Salad made w/ mixed greens (from a bag) and a combination of one fruit (chopped apple, dried cherries, craisins) and one cheese (bleu, feta, goat, brie) and a dressing of olive oil & lemon juice.
1/2 of a Dannon Light & Fit yogurt with some natural yogurt tossed in

DINNER
Protein shake made from: No-Sugar-Added vanilla ice cream, one fresh fruit (bananas, strawberries, blueberries), one scoop of soy protein powder, splash of 1% milk

One of the problems I have with my eating is that I hurl myself into these vicious blood sugar cycles, so one of my goals was to even out the old glycemic index. I gave up my morning lattes (I KNOW!! Can you believe it?? I'm pretty sure Starbucks on Germantown Road is going to go out of business without me. At the very least, they're going to have a hard time paying their light bill this month.) I also gave up soda completely and drink only water and lime-flavored LaCroix.

Now, I know there's not much variety in this eating plan, but that's always kind of been the case with my diet. And I do occasionally add, like, meat. For instance, yesterday we had lunch at PeiWei and I had the Vietnamese Salad Rolls which had chicken, lettuce, carrots, peanuts, etc. rolled up in rice paper.

In the first two weeks on the eating plan, I lost 5 pounds, which I think is a pretty safe rate of weight loss. I didn't stick too it too well the third week b/c all of Big Daddy's family was in town and we ate a lot of bar-b-que. And I didn't stick to it too well last week when our friend Mike was here. But I have lost another pound so I'm down to about 129, which I'm pleased with. I'm not sure I feel a lot better or even much different, but maybe I'll eventually care enough about my health to start actually working out.

At least the widest part of my face is back up at my cheekbones. No, I'm not really wearing blue eyeshadow. (With family, April 2007)